ISIS win the war by leaving passports at home

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America, Russia and the United Nations admitted defeat earlier today and proclaimed ISIS the winners of the global holy war. President elect Trump has already...

Marines B, C, D, E, F & G escape court martial by not forgetfully...

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Today Marine B was quietly reflecting on the time he shot a badly wounded prisoner of war in Helmand. No one else ever heard about...

Vexatious Claims: A Rochdale Herald Guide

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The government says it wants to dodge certain bits of the European Convention On Human Rights because of an "Industry of false and vexatious...

When is an aircraft carrier just a carrier?

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Britain's new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, was commissioned today in Portsmouth. The new carrier is at the cutting edge of British warship design and...

Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy

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The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside...

Trump storms out of NATO summit after Justin Trudeau appears in orange face

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Donald Trump has flounced off from a NATO summit after Justin Trudeau appeared to mock his appearance by appearing in 'orange face'. The incident took...

Amber Rudd announces plan to ban envelopes

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month. The Home Office has also announced that all...

Trident Subs: Gotta catch ’em all

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Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear...
Nuclear explosion

“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons. 

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Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.  With launch codes about...

People confused over what Testing is for

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Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned. Idiots the country over were...

Christmas moved to November 12th

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Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The...
Nuclear explosion

May denies knee-jerk policy reaction to Trident misfire

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Sources at Number 10 today denied that there was any connection between elements of Theresa May's new industrial strategy and the colossal Trident balls-up...
Entrenching Tool

Digging f#*#*#g foxholes is new black in today’s British Army

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The humble British Army entrenching tool, a short, squat, folding standard NATO issued 3-way shovel, pick and close combat weapon, has surged in popularity amongst...

Nuclear holocaust averted as Southern Rail selected to deliver US missile attack

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A spokesman for Southern Rail confirmed to the Rochdale Herald that in view of the anticipated two day delay the four minute warning given in advance of nuclear attacks would consequently be extended to 2,880 minutes.

Picture yourself in their shoes

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A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo,...
Drunk man

Thomas the Trident Engine runaway incident: Fat controller was drunk

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Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and...

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