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Rochdale, UK

Arms manufacturers to commemorate the fallen dead

Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war memorials, cenotaphs, religious services and shopping centres throughout the country. Not...

Christmas moved to November 12th

Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The decision was taken soon after Bumberling Boris decided to flex...
Drunk man

Thomas the Trident Engine runaway incident: Fat controller was drunk

Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and Thomas the Trident Engine. Said one source we contacted who worked...
Remote pointing at TV

GCHQ Samsung smart TV hack reveals threat to UK

WikiLeaks revelations that GCHQ has hacked into Samsung smart TV sets to turn them into listening devices has revealed some fascinating facts impacting on national security. A GCHQ spokesman said that operation Weeping Angel has...

Theresa May to open new Ministry of Silly Bans

Prime Minister Theresa May has announced a new Ministry of Silly Bans, to be set up immediately. The job of the new department will be to intently copy stupid American ideas about what to ban. Its...

ISIS win the war by leaving passports at home

America, Russia and the United Nations admitted defeat earlier today and proclaimed ISIS the winners of the global holy war. President elect Trump has already Tweeted that America will be building 68,000 new compulsory mosques,...

Trump in talks with Skynet for nuclear arms deal

Following a recent tweet in which President Elect Trump spoke of expanding Americas nuclear arsenal, talks have been held between Trump's team and weapons manufacturers Skynet. Mr. Trump Tweeted on 22 Dec about his desire...

Amber Rudd announces plan to ban envelopes

Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month. The Home Office has also announced that all letters will have to go through a GCHQ censor, re-education...

Picture yourself in their shoes

A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

People confused over what Testing is for

Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned. Idiots the country over were shocked to be told that highly complicated and expensive systems...
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Rochdale’s secret Nuclear Past REVEALED

Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were a nuclear missile launch site throughout the 70’s and 80’s,...

Vexatious Claims: A Rochdale Herald Guide

The government says it wants to dodge certain bits of the European Convention On Human Rights because of an "Industry of false and vexatious claims" against British soldiers who served in places like Iraq...

Trident Subs: Gotta catch ’em all

Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear weapons system may be redirected to Niantic, the company behind...
Nuclear explosion

May denies knee-jerk policy reaction to Trident misfire

Sources at Number 10 today denied that there was any connection between elements of Theresa May's new industrial strategy and the colossal Trident balls-up she tried to cover up. Today's green paper contains a promise...

Navy admiral rejects job because he can spot a sinking ship when he sees...

The controversy over the U.S. National Security Advisor position continues as Trump’s most recent nominee for the position, retired vice admiral Robert S Harward, rejected the appointment.  Harward stated that he felt that the administration, much like a...

Chewing gum booms as government invests £100 billion in wrong ‘Trident.’

An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’ Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to the chewing gum company Trident, a branch of confectionery empire...

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