Nuclear explosion

May denies knee-jerk policy reaction to Trident misfire

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Sources at Number 10 today denied that there was any connection between elements of Theresa May's new industrial strategy and the colossal Trident balls-up...

Christmas moved to November 12th

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Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The...
Drunk man

Thomas the Trident Engine runaway incident: Fat controller was drunk

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Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and...

Revealed: GCHQ Toaster Hack Turns Leavers Into Remainers…

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An exclusive Herald investigation has revealed the extent to which the government's monitoring agency GCHQ can manipulate public opinion through the hacking of common...
HMS Queen Elizabeth

Three billion seems reasonable for boat with hole in it, says Government responsible for...

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The people responsible for negotiating the UK's exit from the European Union have confirmed that three billion pounds is a completely reasonable sum of...

Chinese cardboard rocket manufacturers report bumper earnings following Korean military parades

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Manufacturers of gigantic cardboard rockets and inflatable tanks have reported record profits for April following Kim Jong Un's massive display of military force. "It's been...

Amber Rudd announces plan to ban envelopes

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month. The Home Office has also announced that all...

When is an aircraft carrier just a carrier?

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Britain's new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, was commissioned today in Portsmouth. The new carrier is at the cutting edge of British warship design and...

Nuttall to captain UK Olympic waterboarding team

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UKIP party leader, former archbishop of Canterbury, Duke of Edinburgh in Waiting and Huddersfield Town striker, Paul Nuttall has been named as...

Nuclear holocaust averted as Southern Rail selected to deliver US missile attack

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A spokesman for Southern Rail confirmed to the Rochdale Herald that in view of the anticipated two day delay the four minute warning given in advance of nuclear attacks would consequently be extended to 2,880 minutes.

Marines B, C, D, E, F & G escape court martial by not forgetfully...

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Today Marine B was quietly reflecting on the time he shot a badly wounded prisoner of war in Helmand. No one else ever heard about...

Fears Thames Beluga whale is a Russian spy

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There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week...

Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy

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The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside...

Arms manufacturers to commemorate the fallen dead

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Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war...
Entrenching Tool

Digging f#*#*#g foxholes is new black in today’s British Army

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The humble British Army entrenching tool, a short, squat, folding standard NATO issued 3-way shovel, pick and close combat weapon, has surged in popularity amongst...

Chewing gum booms as government invests £100 billion in wrong ‘Trident.’

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An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’ Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to...

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