Amber Rudd announces plan to ban envelopes
Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month.
The Home Office has also announced that all...
French Declare Victory and Award Medals After Sniper Shoots Drinks Waiter
France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a "hero" sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an...
People confused over what Testing is for
Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned.
Idiots the country over were...
Theresa May to open new Ministry of Silly Bans
Prime Minister Theresa May has announced a new Ministry of Silly Bans, to be set up immediately.
The job of the new department will be to...
Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy
The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy.
The whale was found beside...
Picture yourself in their shoes
A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo,...
Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods
The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district.
Army...
Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert
Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy.
The so-called magicians...
ISIS win the war by leaving passports at home
America, Russia and the United Nations admitted defeat earlier today and proclaimed ISIS the winners of the global holy war.
President elect Trump has already...
Arms manufacturers to commemorate the fallen dead
Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war...
Marine A tired of catchphrase ‘shuffle off this mortal coil you c*nt’
The soldier formerly know as "Marine A" has finally been released following his time served for slaughtering an injured enemy combatant and recording his...
“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons.
Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.
With launch codes about...
Nuttall to captain UK Olympic waterboarding team
UKIP party leader, former archbishop of Canterbury, Duke of Edinburgh in Waiting and Huddersfield Town striker, Paul Nuttall has been named as...
Lockheed Martin Trident Vote after party “off the hook”
Details are sketchy at present but apparently the Lockheed Martin Trident Vote after party was absolutely "off the hook".
We can only imagine what kind...
Fears Thames Beluga whale is a Russian spy
There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week...
Rochdale’s secret Nuclear Past REVEALED
Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were...
