Top Secret

Russian-branded Emperor’s new memo wallets causing security concerns

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Two mysterious Russian stationery salesmen are coming under scrutiny tonight as memo wallets they supplied to government departments may not be all they are...
Donald Trump

All options on table including surprise missile attack on Tuesday, Trump tells Syria on...

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Actual real-life president of the United States of America Donald Trump has tweeted that Russia and Syria should get smart and expect a surprise...
Trump Family KKK Photograph

Trump Family KKK Photo Scandal

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There was outrage across America as a family photo of the Trump family emerged with both Donald Trump's father and mother dressed from head...

I don’t care what UK Ambassador thinks of me, says dickhead who won’t shut...

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A giant man dayglo baby who won't stop whining about somebody who said some mean things about him has declared on Twitter that he...

Obama rushed to hospital after biting through lip during Trump press conference

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President Barack Obama was rushed to hospital yesterday after sustaining injuries during a press conference. Herald reporter Scott McCracknee was there and describes what happened. "Mr...
Donald Trump

New tariffs ensure American guns used to shoot American children made from American metal

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Donald Trump has just revealed that the reason behind the new Steel Import Tariffs is to mitigate concerns that the deadly and easily purchased...
Trump Supporters

52% Of Trump Supporters Can’t Find America On A Map

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When it was pointed out to them exactly where America lay on the map, many of them seemed disappointed that it wasn’t the whole of North America from Mexico upwards.
Donald Trump

Trump in hiding as NRA call for curb ‘on rapid fire tools’

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DONALD TRUMP is believed to be in hiding tonight after the National Rifle Association called for a clamp-down on “rapid fire tools”. This has been...

Senate approve plans for naughty corner in Oval Office

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A White House insider has revealed plans to redesign the Oval Office to help Donald Trump, cope with the rigours of his job. The actions...
Rock Paper Scissors

Trump and Putin fail to beat each other in two hour long rock, paper,...

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Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a...
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

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A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for...

Statue Of Liberty To Be Deported

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America's creepiest uncle, State Department Obergruppenführer Steve 'Steve-O' Bannon confirmed today that steps were being taken to deport 'dangerous subversive' the Statue of Liberty.  "Ms...

Trump credited with restoring American faith in Bush

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Donald Trump has been given credit for restoring America's faith in Bush. One Bush expert told us, "10 years ago American faith in Bush was...
Donald Trump

Trump calls for ban on food festivals after latest mass shooting

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Trump calls for ban on food festivals after latest mass shootingSo-called 'President' and full-time Twitter troll Donald Trump wants a 'total and complete shutdown'...
Protestors

Democratic Democrats protest against anti-democratic democracy

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Protesters smashed windows and turned violent in Oregon and a few other places last night. “Trump is anti-democratic!” yelled the crowd protesting against the man...

New American National Anthem Unveiled As ‘Donald Donald Uber Alles’

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The United States is getting a new national anthem, it has been announced. An executive order has been signed replacing the old anthem, The...

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