President Trump has vowed to have the images of four of his predecessors chiselled off Mount Rushmore, describing them as ‘total losers’.
In a statement posted on the official White House website Trump explained that they would be replaced by ‘four true icons of America’, namely himself, his daughter Ivanka, himself again and Russian President Vladimir Putin.
In a later interview with what he described as the ‘most honest media in America’, Russia Today, Trump criticised his four predecessors depicted on Mount Rushmore individually. He began by describing President Washington as ‘totally overrated’ explaining ‘he beat the Brits, big deal, have you seen how tiny their country is’?
He went on to note that Washington rebelled against the British ‘without a permit’, adding that during the War of Independence there were ‘good people on both sides’, though he did eventually admit that ‘to his credit’ Washington was a slave owner.
Trump then went on to criticise President Jefferson for his work on the Declaration of Independence which he condemned as ‘so hard to understand’ and ‘really boring’, adding that Jefferson should have spiced up the dialogue with ‘a couple of juicy murders or a sex scene’.
After that it was President Lincoln’s turn, with Trump stating ‘the guy got shot ok. I like Presidents who weren’t shot’. After an awkward silence Trump eventually admitted he wasn’t quite sure who Theodore Roosevelt was, and was overheard asking an aide whether he used to ‘play fullback for the Miami Dolphins’.
Trump concluded by claiming the new Mount Rushmore would be ‘so great, so amazing’, before adding that after an ‘independent and competitive bidding process’ the contract had been awarded to the Trump Construction Corporation (TCC).