Radical preacher Anjem Choudary Wins a Five-and-a-Half Year Contract to Radicalise UK Prison Population

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The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive audience of followers in the UK. The judge, who described Choudary...

Labour Proposes New Tax on Books

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Labour Party Central Office has announced that it would consider forcing book publishers to pay a levy to help pay for Momentum leaflets and Block Wardens. Deputy leader Tom Watson will say that the cash...

BREAKING NEWS!!! Supreme Court Rule 6 to 5 in Favour of Parliament Vote on...

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In the last few minutes the Supreme Court have voted 6 to 5 in favour of Parliament having the final say on Brexit. Rochdale urban hip-hop & street dance collective Supreme Court took time out...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson granted protected geographical status by EU just like a Jersey potato

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The EU has announced this morning that it has listed Boris Johnson as a product of the United Kingdom with protected geographical status, just like a Jersey Royal potato. The move to safeguard Mr Johnson’s...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

Stickupthearseitis

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A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation. Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire and being a twat in the comment sections. “I have suffered...

We’re not racist we want fewer white Polish faces too, Brexiters tell Vince...

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Brexiters have taken umbrage at Vince Cable's suggestion that they'd like to see more white faces. Cliff Edge, a red man who normally speaks in capital letters and puts his ruddy complexion down to a...

Impolite scenes disrupt Moderates against Moderation demo

There were tense scenes outside the former Waitrose building in Rochdale's upmarket Falinge Estate yesterday after crowds of militant political moderates and progressives clashed at the "Moderates Against Moderation" Rally. Rochdale's champagne socialists and pro-Corbyn...

Anti-facemask campaigners in balaclavas thrilled about Austrian Burkha ban

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In a welcome development for table thumping foam merchants from the far right, all face coverings have been banned in Austria. For years, members far right social media sites and other angry patriots have complained...
Angry

Rochdale man who’s never voted pledges to ‘bring down Torie scum’ by voting Green

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Gareth Thundlestick from Scumsunk crescent, Rochdale, said he became politically active after ruining the suspension on his 1986 Ford Capri whilst negotiating a pothole too fast. "That was the final straw, it done it for me." He...

Physicist angry that with infinite universes, he got one with Trump in it

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A failed physicist and lapsed university lecturer has lamented online about his inner anxieties.
Theresa May Converse

Theresa May won’t let Brit Gas 12.5% price hike ruin her hiking holiday

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What could be scarier than millions of ageing Brexit backers being hit with a massive energy bill increase right when May's taking enough heat trying to turn her policy fantasies into reality? And especially when she's previously mentioned an energy price cap but now doesn't really want to talk about it again in case she has to do something.

Tit in Parliament in tits in Parliament row

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Andrea Leadsom has found herself an unlikely ally in the UK's war on women and motherhood, Sammy Wilson MP. Mr Wilson, the DUP MP for East Antrim, joined the fray last week by accusing female...
brexit bill

Theresa May admits “Brexit Bill” scrawled on back of napkin

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Prime Minister Theresa May today admitted that the 'Brexit Bill', allowing her to trigger the Article 50 exit clause from the European Union had been drafted, over a liquid lunch, on the back of a napkin...

Michael Gove “more slippery than Teflon”

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Independent research at the Technical University of Rochdale has found that Michael Gove is more slippery than Teflon - and that a patent has been applied for which could revolutionise the development of a...

Corbyn “gives” Labour MP’s free vote on Trident

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Besieged Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has generously given the MP's in the Labour Party the opportunity to vote with their conscience rather than his in tonight's vote on the Trident missile system. The Trident...

Chances of Patel having job by Christmas looking Priti grim

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Theresa May's office has commented on the departure from the usual policy of ministers confining themselves to work on behalf of the country, and instead making a few quid on the freelancing market. This...

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