Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours
Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...
Deselecting MPs implicated in electoral fraud before election “Hadn’t occurred to me” claims PM
The Prime Minister claims the possible loss of up to twenty MPs from a working majority of seventeen in the run-up to Brexit is...
Trump tells G7 steel tariffs will ensure weapons used for mass slaughter will be...
Donald Trump has announced that steel and aluminium import tariffs will mitigate concerns that the Assault Rifles used in mass shootings recently have not...
Stephen Hawking’s next book titled A Brief History of C*nts
Stephen Hawking is well regarded as the largest living brain in Britain and someone whose opinions are worth serious consideration, while Mr Hunt as something rather different.
Trump finds Rory McIlroy’s head in bed after throwing Koch off Golf Course
President-Elect Donald Trump has denied evicting the proper billionaire, libertarian gun nut and political financier behind the Tea Party, David Koch, from his exclusive...
It’s not nepotism it’s just a coincidence he’s my son-in-law says Trump
World breathes a collective sigh of relief as journalist who met Jared Kuschner claims “he should make you feel more comfortable”.
Ringmaster May’s Brexit circus will tour till 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten
It was announced last Friday that Ringmaster may’s Brexit circus will attempt to extend its world record breaking tour of Europe until 2021 unless...
Labour, the Social DEMOCRATIC Party, takes more steps to prevent undesirables from voting
The National Executive Committee of the Labour Party has announced today that only those to the right of Tony Blair will be permitted to...
Ryanair fires first salvo in airline price war by introducing “shrinkflation” routes
Budget Irish airline Ryanair has fired the first salvo in it's threatened "summer fares war", but instead of cutting fares as everyone expected, CEO...
Mel Brooks quits movies, I’ve been Trumped, he says
Legendary film director Mel Brooks has called it quits with Hollywood after more than fifty years saying he can no longer compete with reality...
Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West
Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”
Teresa May in Dogging Scandal
This seemed to be the headline that the Daily Mirror were fruitlessly alluding to in their article about a condom found in some woods...
Brexiters excited to leave the EU posthumously
According to a recent poll, Leave voters up and down the country are excited at the prospect of leaving the EU posthumously.
Following continuous delays...
Top Tories Converse to win yoof vote
Prime Minister Theresa May today ditched her kitten heels and turned out to the Commons wearing a pair of Chuck Taylor black and white...
Bernie’s Brave Brazillian Blag Backfires
Bernie Ecclestone's brave gamble with Brazilian kidnappers backfired spectacularly last night when his Mother-in-Law was released fit and well from her 9 day captivity.
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