Referendum fan Nicola Sturgeon has announced plans for a controversial referendum to decide once and for all if Britain loves or hates Marmite.

The children’s entertainer and bagpipes enthusiast said;

“If Scotland can’t be Scottish and British at the same time how can Marmite be loved and hated at the same time. It’s a simple enough question for a country to answer and we’ll keep asking it until we get the answer I like the best. Obviously everybody hates Marmite, I hate Marmite and so should everybody else. No excuses.”

A second, third, fourth and fifth referendum have all been planned asking variations of the same question.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.