There were refreshing bursts of honesty in the ritual Brexit update today when David Davis revealed he’s only just worked out he’s been attending PTA meetings and has no idea what’s been going on with Brexit negotiations.

“It’s hilarious when you think about,” The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union said, “I should be running the Department for Attending French Language PTA’s! It is French they talk here? I can’t understand a word of it. I have to phone Boris and ask him what words mean. I only just realised frittes is chips! And it rhymes!”

There was a pause in the media briefing for a few minutes while David Davis laughed at his own calamity.

Michel Barnier, representing the EU, eventually moved things along.

“Unfortunately the PTA Mr Davis has been attending has decided to disband today as a result of following the policies suggested by Mr Davis. They have gone bankrupt. The, how do you say? The tuck shop? It has now been outsourced to McDonald’s under an austerity regime introduced by the school governor.”

“See!” Mr Davis exclaimed, “What a great success? Just think of the creation of work in the local area by way of encouraging a recognised supplier of hot food into the locale with job security under flexible conditions?

I suspect the school could actually take itself out of the local authority jurisdiction and negotiate an even better deal with McDonald’s on a one to one basis. There’s one of us and one of the EU. We’re now on even terms.”

For its part a spokesman for the PTA gave the following statement,

“We will be meeting next month as usual, we just had to come up with a story to stop that bluffing man barging into the room two hours late each month and shouting do you speak English at the top of his lungs, before taking all the biscuits and going home. I don’t know what his real job is? I suspect he doesn’t know how to do it either!”