Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend
Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early...
Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards
Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...
Daily Mail Editor sectioned after being confused by photograph of white terrorist
The Editor of The Daily Mail was carried out of Northcliffe House in a straitjacket this morning after a photograph of a white man...
Sheikh & Bake! Al Jazeera Swoop For Mary Berry, Mel & Sue
In a dramatic twist in the GBBO story reports this morning say that founding members of the cast have signed contracts for a new...
Spice Girls Wannapee reunion tour sponsored by Tena
Music - The world's most successful all-girl prefabricated band The Spice Girls have announced plans to reform.
The quintet, featuring the newly-nicknamed Crusty Spice, Stairlift...
Cat that will only eat one type of food still happy to lick its...
Your cat has confirmed that despite only being willing to eat one specific type of food, it is still more than happy to lick...
Deranged cycle path murders his spell checker
Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker.
In a statesman, a...
Women ‘Not Silly’ groundbreaking study reveals
Women may not be as silly as we first thought, a new study suggests.
Researchers at the Rochdale's Community University observed one hundred female humans...
A Christmas Carol reimagined by new Ministry of Truth to promote thrift
The iconic Christmas tale has been edited by the new government department to 'instill a sense of fiscal caution' in the nation's youth.
The new...
Scientists Prove Fake News Caused by “A lack of bullying in schools”
Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools.
Professor Andrei Clewsov of...
Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money
Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money.
The report said...
Pippa’s lovely bottom gets married
Pippa Middleton's lovely bottom has today got married. The bottom shot to fame in 2011 when it turned up at Prince William's wedding and stole...
Writers of Brexit admit they’ve no idea how to end it and it’s going...
The writers behind the hit show, Brexit say they've no idea how to end the show and there are fears it could turn into...
Heck release new range of Boris Johnson porky pies
Sausage giant Heck has hosted giant sausage Boris Johnson at their Yorkshire factory for the unveiling of their latest new product.
The Boris Johnson Heck...
Nation unites in devising final solution to Katie Hopkins
The nation has been shaken by the cowardly attacks in Manchester. This terrible, cowardly attack on innocent concert goers is irrefutably horrible and humour cannot be derived from it.
Herald life hacks: Get rich quick with… an inheritance
Experts say this is the best way to get ahead in life
It's January, which means you likely have nothing but mince pie dust in...
