Marvel say Super-Gonorrhoea ‘unlikely’ to feature in new Avengers movie

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Marvel Studios have confirmed that there are currently no plans for the gonorrhoea 'superbug' to star in its next instalment of the Avengers franchise. Referred to...

Mr Tumble to sue SNN

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The much loved CBBC presenter Mr. Tumble, aka Justin Fletcher MBE, has set the wheels in motion with his legal team to issue Southend...

Barrymore seeks planning permission for bigger pool after High Court throws out Blair war...

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It is being reported that Michael Barrymore is all set to appeal to the High Court for planning permission for a second swimming pool...

Philip Hammond apologises to women on cabinet for making sexist comment at ‘wrong time...

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Philip Hammond has today apologised for his insensitive remarks about women by buying them all a jolly nice big bar of chocolate and a...

Chuka Umunna banned from Coventry Laser Quest for crashing children’s parties

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MP for Streatham, Chuka Umunna, has been forcibly removed from a branch of Laser Quest in Coventry for reportedly trying to join numerous children's...

Jesus slammed for not following government advice after going out and getting hammered

A 33 year old man from Galilee has been criticised by the GNP, Greater Nazareth Police, after reportedly having a massive dinner party with...
Blue Passport

A blue passport is an integral part of being British, says bloke who’s never...

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The great victory that is Brexit has delivered old-style blue passport covers to the grateful people. Rejoicing Brits across the country have been applying...
Refugees Welcome

Fury as UK migration laws mean that London will be SWAMPED with Brummies by...

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Birmingham is a modern, cosmopolitan city whose motto, Forward, sums it up perfectly. The smug, self-serving shithole that is London is the reverse. With...
Beach

Government votes to go on holiday early after solving all UK’s problems

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Members of parliament have overwhelmingly voted to bring their summer break forward as a reward for having solved all of the UK's problems. The...
Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig to become Cara Camel in Halal makeover

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Exciting new changes are afoot in the world of Cartoons today, with a children's favourite set for a spectacular modern makeover. Creators of the famous...

Substitute teacher to stand in for Theresa May in hope of improving cabinet discipline

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Wilma Beard, a graduate teacher on the books of an education supply agency, has been contracted to fill in for Theresa May in the...
Amber Rudd

One in the eye for Tories as Rudd loses Hastings seat

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Amber Rudd tonight accepted a role as full-time spokesperson for Theresa May. The Herald asked Amber what caused her seat to turn Red, and she...
Outrage

All w**ds to be b*nned to avoid offending p***ks

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All words and language in all forms and formats are to be banned from next week for all eternity. The reason for the multi-party agreed...
Toddler Prisoner

Government plans to lower age of criminal responsibility to 2 YEARS OLD

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To help with the deficit, the government will be lowering the age of criminal responsibility to 2. The age of criminal responsibility is currently...
Theresa May

Get behind my shit deal or we won’t be able to do dreadful thing,...

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Theresa May has urged MP's to get behind her awful Brexit plan or risk not being able to have Brexit. With many people warning that...

Game Over for Womb Raider Brad Pitt

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Hollywood power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, better known as 'AngRad' have announced they are to divorce after 12 years together. Spokesman and agent...

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