DUP explains kneecapping naughtier than running through wheat field
Talks between the Conservatives and the DUP are said to be ongoing as the PM desperately tries to cobble together a slim working majority...
Relief as far-right mob turns out to be burst bag of pork scratchings
Police have attended an incident in Rochdale today after numerous concerned calls reported a far-right mob assembled in the town centre.
Attending officers would like...
Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Kelvin MacKenzie awarded Bafta for portrayal of a journalist
Kelvin MacKenzie was today awarded a BAFTA for his long running portrayal of a Journalist, Editor and TV Executive.
Mr MacKenzie began portraying the character at...
Mass shootings ‘fact of life’ says only country where mass shootings happen
Ralph H. Ick, head of the Texas branch of the NRA made the shocking statement yesterday after seven children were slain and three were...
Crystal Maze to return as literally no ideas left
The Crystal Maze is set to return our screens, again;
"The barrel has no bottom. There's nothing left to scrape anymore. This is it." Said...
Piers Morgan behaves like a d**k on Twitter, again
Piers Morgan has taken to Twitter to characteristically behave like an utter tit today.
Morgan, whose only physical accomplishment of note was to fall off...
Social services called after Rochdale father makes children watch Watership Down
A child in Norden has been reduced to a blubbering wreck after watching the animated classic Watership Down.
What initially appeared to be a pleasant film,...
Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy
In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...
Labour plans to make unions transfer power to workers
Large unions would be forced to transfer as much as 10 percent of their voting rights to workers under plans set out by the...
David Davis organises piss up in brewery on wrong day
The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union reportedly organised a smashing piss up in a brewery to celebrate New Year's Eve on...
Donald Trump fails to mention the length of his penis in speech defending western...
Donald Trump left an eager crowd shocked in Poland today when he failed to mention the length of his schlong once during a rousing...
BBC Believes Last Labour Voter Now Extinct
Naturalists have accused the BBC of poor science after it was revealed the broadcasting corporation believes there are no more Labour voters.
The shock extinction...
Florence and the McMachine
McDonald's is suing Florence over claims that the historic city is "promoting a healthy diet & lifestyle contrary to Western values
Government to encourage more online petitions.
Prime Minister Theresa May has today launched a new initiative which will encourage people concerned with issues affecting them, their communities and the country...
NRA and Gideons to issue guns in bibles
In response to the recent awful church shooting, the question has to be, why can’t everyone have guns?
If everyone was armed this wouldn’t...
