Prime Minister Theresa May has today launched a new initiative which will encourage people concerned with issues affecting them, their communities and the country to start a pointless online petition to bring it to the attention of the government, so that they can completely ignore it. 

Mrs May said, “They’re brilliant, we love how stupid you all are.  Boris! What was that one we saw the other week? Oh yes, ‘Anyone caught eating McDonalds on the Queens birthday to be stoned to death’. It had 20 signatures. 20 people in this country think THAT is a good idea and worthy of Parliamentary debate.” 

“As long as you have the feeling you can make some sort of difference, no matter how petty the issue, then that keeps us in shits and giggles for the next 5 years. Because while you’re signing 20 different badly worded petitions all calling for ‘immigrants to be painted yellow and thrown to the sharks’ or something,  you’re not doing anything constructive that might actually effect change.”