No Brexit is better than a bad Brexit says David Davis

10
After boldly caving in to the EU negotiators on day one of talks the Brexit minister, David Davis, was in a bullish mood.  “We have...

Panic across UK as white substance continues to fall from sky

0
A state of emergency has been declared in a number of regions after a strange white substance fell from the sky recently. As councils...
Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd launches Hate Thy Neighbour initiative

25
Amber Rudd announced plans today to crack down on the current outbreak of human compassion sweeping the country. Compassion has been on the rise recently...

Trump Press Secretary buys fireproof underpants

1
The secret of Press Secretary Sean Spicer's propensity for hyperbolic bullshitacity has been revealed.  He has reportedly been wearing a revolutionary new type of asbestos...
Tony Hadley

Fat red faced old man quits boring 80s band

6
Shockwaves rang through Tin Pan Alley yesterday with the news that singer Tony Hadley was quitting 80s pop toppers Spandau Ballet. In a cryptic tweet...

Paul Nuttall Converted To Islam

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Paul Nuttall has retracted a claim on his Facebook page from 2009 that he converted to Islam after sharing a kebab with Mohammed Ali. "I never...

Trump marks Martin Luther King weekend with burning cross on White House Lawn

3
US President elect, Donald Trump, will be hosting a tribute event for Martin Luther Day

Chris Rea spends second night in Charnock Richards Services.

0
Gravel-voiced guitar stalwart, Chris Rea, is still trying to get home for Christmas this year, after the 'Road to Hell' star's head gasket went...
Drug paraphernalia

Is Bank of England endangering health of cocaine users

3
A casual cocaine user from Rochdale has accused the Bank of England of intentionally trying to injure and poison him with the new fiver. Nathan...

Southern Rail raise prices by £40 to pay for new Indian style trains to...

Beleaguered train operator Southern Rail has unveiled an ambitious new programme of investment to address overcrowding issues on commuter routes into London. The strike beset...

Donald Trump Twitter Account wins Nobel Prize for fiction

The American character actor, author and comedian behind the Twitter Account, @realdonaldtrump, has scooped the Nobel Prize award for the best work of fiction...
Shoplifter

Beautiful young women on trial to be judged by ugly middle aged women in...

0
A new selection process has been announced for assigning judges to trials, taking into account both gender and aesthetics. This move will see all...

Idiot Dies in Karmic Avalanche

0
An idiot died in an avalanche of Karma in the town of Colle delle Oche near Turin, Italy yesterday. Veterinarian Luciano Ponzetto, who split his...

Tories “Limited and specific” law breaking given thumbs up by criminals

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As the UK government is apparently comfortable breaking international law over plans to unilaterally overwrite part of the Brexit withdrawal agreement, The Rochdale Herald...

Theresa May unable to un-grit her teeth after assuring Boris that he can keep...

0
Number 10 have confirmed today that Theresa May’s teeth are well and truly gritted and not coming unstuck anytime soon. Whilst seen as a potential...
Wasps

Britons thrilled by early encounter with year’s first Wasp

0
Millions of Britons were given an early taste of the joys of springtime over the weekend, after the unseasonable February warmth prompted the first...

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