The journeyman striker was signed for an undisclosed amount, although it is “considerably more” than the previous record fee of forty Rothmans and a fish supper.

Nuttall made his name playing in the Premier League with Tranmere Rovers, and as a youngster played the last 15 minutes of the league cup final against Leicester City in 2000. Following a disastrous loan spell at Stoke, he has more recently been plying his trade in the lower leagues for Covfefe City.

“It’s fantastic that I am bringing more home-grown talent to my home-town team,” says Bootle-born Nuttall, who adds that he is “very impressed” by the club’s training facilities. These are shared with a local primary school under the Football in the Community initiative, though Nuttall admits that they aren’t allowed to use them during PE lessons.

Club chairman Andrew Derych feels that Nuttall will bring experience and, more importantly, goals to the team. “Hopefully not the own goals that Paul is, unfairly, known for!” quips Derych. “He is an opportunist and his bald head is easily picked out in a crowded penalty area. It’s a shame Paul has a reputation for not passing to the foreign players, but I’m sure that’s undeserved as well!”

The supporters are excited, too. Chris Mallinson, chairman of the supporters’ club and creator of many of the crowd chants, cannot wait for the season to start. “I have already made up a chant for Paul, to the tune of So Long, Farewell from The Sound Of Music: He’s bald, he’s old, he tells us he scores goals.” Mallinson adds, “I’ve even created a welcome limerick for Paul. It runs as following:

There once was a striker called Nuttall
Whose footwork was not very subtle
He kicked out too hard
And got a red card
And blew up just like the space shuttle.”

Paul Nuttall forgot his kit and had to train in pants and plimmies.

Additional reporting by Johnny Wapping and Samuel Thurston.