With the transfer window now open, Theresa May is expected to make David Davis available for transfer whilst putting in a bid for Jorge Mendes to fill the position of Brexit secretary.

In an attempt to shore up her defense Roy ‘Woy’ Hodgson is also rumoured to be in line for a special advisory role to No 10 after his amazing work with another group of clueless, overpaid underachievers.

“Until he arrived at Selhurst Park, everyone was running around like headless chickens with no idea what they are doing, or for that matter, which direction they were supposed to be going in,” dribbled a spokesbot for No 10 earlier today.

“Hodgson seems to have got them united again, a term seldom used around Downing Street of late. Not only that, he seems to have enough strength on the right wing to make things work more efficiently, something the current cabinet is lacking too.”

Nobody at Crystal Palace was available for comment today.