Scientists at the Laval University in Quebec have intercepted what they believe to be a message from extraterrestrials.

The message was received encoded in modulations of the brightness of certain heavenly bodies and appears to be deliberate rather than random, and therefore either an alien civilisation or dust on the telescope again.

Head of the project at the university’s astronomy department, Dwayne Dibbley, explains the findings,

“The message was heavily encoded but we’ve used the large supercomputer at NASA to crunch it out. We believe it says ‘Have you been mis-sold Planetary Protection Insurance? Or been decimated in an extinction level event that wasn’t your fault? Then call Interstellar Lawyers for You.”

“We tried to send a return message but got through to a call center in New Delhi. Apparently even Alpha Centauri is outsourcing its call centers.”

Dwayne continued, “It appears I’ve wasted my life.”