Turkeys have declared that today there are only 23 days to save their historic Christmas deal.

They have warned that is vitally important that the stark choice between whether or not to use Bisto or Oxo gravy granules at Christmas lunch must be resolved in order to avoid the uncertainty, division and chaos of trying to make that decision on Christmas morning.

“Obviously what brand of gravy is poured on our roasted corpses is the most important question facing turkeys in the run up to Christmas.” A massive turkey told The Rochdale Herald.

“Obviously the time has passed and the clucking of the 52% of turkeys who voted to be slaughtered and roasted for dinner on Christmas must be listened to.”

“It’s the will of the turkeys.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.