20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer
A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to...
Monster Raving Looney Party offers UKIP electoral pact
UKIP may have lost all but one of its local council seats in England and Wales, in a disastrous showing in local council elections...
Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor
A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...
Most Brexiteers cheat at Monopoly study finds
Researchers at Rochdale College have found evidence that seems to show most Brexiteers cheat during family games of Monopoly.
Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We...
Nobody Offended By Twitter Joke
A joke posted on Twitter yesterday has met with a complete lack of offence for the first time in history.
The joke which reads "Most...
Average household savings wiped out by demonetisation of old pound coins under sofa cushions
The Office for National Savings released alarming figures this morning suggesting that average household savings in the United Kingdom had been all but wiped...
Annual day of disappointment for fathers receiving crap presents
It's Father's Day and an annual day of depression for men across the nation as fathers are expected to sit, smile and feign appreciation...
‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail
With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel
But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face
And here's to you Tommy...
Conservative Party logo to be replaced with picture of Priti Patel’s smirk
The Conservative Party are to replace their established 'oak tree' logo with a graphic representation of Priti Patel's smirking face, the Herald can reveal.
The...
Jeremy Corbyn rules out coalition with Labour MPs
Jeremy Corbyn took the bold move today to rule out a coalition with SNP, The Greens, The Liberal Democrats and any of the politicians in The Labour Party.
Talking to...
Brexiters boycott Tesco over sale of Remain Lettuce
Thousands of patriots across the length and breadth of Britain called for a 'complete boycott', of supermarkets, after it turned out a Tesco's store...
Trump gives world a ‘pearl necklace’ as withdrawal does not stop emissions
President Donald J. Trump will keep his promise not to come in the world’s mouth and insisted he would squirt his emissions onto the...
Media blackout of J***** C***** continues
All national media outlets are continuing with their agreement to stop any reporting of a certain well known political leader this week, who we...
MP’s take well deserved autumn break after sorting out all UK’s problems
Westminster is demob happy today as hundreds of MPs pack their bags and await their family’s driver to come and collect them for half...
Man who can tie his own shoelaces favourite to win Burnley’s Got Talent
Headlining the, new, ITV Spring schedule is the hit series, Burnley's Got Talent, hosted by one of the Ant and Dec twins.
Described by the...
LIDL opens second till
As panic buying continues, one branch of LIDL has opened a second till.
Regional Manager Labia McKenzie, 17, said "We've taken the drastic measure of...
