Number 10 has today reassured the Rochdale Herald that everything is in good order and that they do, in fact, know what they are doing with Brexit. Our Number 10 insider told us “Our negotiator, David ‘Bulldog’ Davis, is keen to crack on with talks as soon as possible, but just after a delay so that he can work out what the hell it is that he is supposed to be doing.

Most commentators outside of the UK Government, and the heavily Brexit supporting UK press, feel that the EU has been pretty clear on its expectations and timetable for the negotiations and that progress is slow because the UK Government refuses to adhere to the agreed timetable.

Opinion amongst Brexit campaigners in the UK is also divided; between those that think that we should ditch the talks and come crashing out the EU and those that think a full-on war with the rest of Europe would be the most appropriate course of action.

David Davis, in the meantime, is pleased with progress so far.

Agreement amongst all the negotiators that the quality of refreshments is sub-standard has led to the purchase of the new Coffee Machine and it turns out that both David Davis and Michel Barnier both enjoy reading Stephen King novels.

Number 10 has put the delay for the talks down to the need for both sides to be flexible though an EU official has brushed aside the delay. “It matters not.”, he stated “If Davis delays by a week or by 18 months, the outcome will be the same. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who pays 2 for 2 in Tescos”.