David Cameron Shed

‘It was a mistake not a disaster’ – Cameron opens up about PigGate

Former prime minister David Cameron says placing his genitals in the mouth of a severed pigs head has 'turned out less badly than I first thought' He used the words "mistake, not a disaster" in...

New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen. 'April' the 15 year old Giraffe was believed to be in the...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre' near Tewkesbury. The tribe is thought to consist of approximately 75...
Brown bear in woods

Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods

Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement. "I've been thinking about changing things up for ages." Mr. Pickle, of no fixed...

Government expands badger cull to five new areas despite warnings it doesn’t work

We to need press on with the solution,  said Theressa May when questioned before all the MP's went on their jollies, leaving the country to run better by itself. "Et jus' don't werk" said...
John Lewis Weasel

Russia denies involvement as Springwatch ‘Favourite British Wild Animal’ poll won by the weasel.

Questions have been asked as the BBC Springwatch poll to find Britain's favourite wild animal was convincingly won by the weasel. "I have to say it's a bit of a shock" said presenter Christov Pakov....

Pigeon chess champion embarrassed at being included in metaphor with Boris Johnson

A pigeon chess grand master from Rochdale has been telling us how he finds it a embarrassing to be included with Boris Johnson in a metaphor about Brexit. The metaphor appeared on Rochdale resident, Board's...

Who you calling dangerous? Asks Kumbuka

Today the Rochdale Herald is delighted to bring you our exclusive interview with Kumbuka the gorilla who briefly escaped from London Zoo this week. RH: Good morning, Kumbuka. Kumbuka: Whatcha. Listen, I need to correct you...

If the Irish don’t want Apple’s £11BN tell them we’ll have it – say...

It transpires that North Sea Oil Revenues now contribute £60Million to the Scottish revenue pot, down from almost £13Billion a couple of years ago because you now sell a barrel of North Sea Oil...

Deer left shaken by run in with Prince 

A Balmoral based deer has spoken out after being run down by the heir to the British throne. Dougal Hornhead spoke to the Herald after seeking veterinary care. "Aye, I wiz jist out for a run...

Whales begin having Tupperware parties due to levels of plastic pollution

Researchers have discovered that there is now so much plastic in the worlds oceans that whales have started to hold Tupperware parties. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College said, "It's almost 6 decades since suburban women...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game as being opposed to the basic tenets of their religion. Facebook...
Turkberry

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on our Christmas dinner tables as early as next year, if...
Wasps

Britons thrilled by early encounter with year’s first Wasp

Millions of Britons were given an early taste of the joys of springtime over the weekend, after the unseasonable February warmth prompted the first encounter of a year with an utter bastard of a...
Hunter hunting elephants

Nearly okay to kill elephants again

As we take in the wonderful news of the large increase in the number of elephants across the south of Africa, Zimbabwe has called for the legalization of the ivory trade. Zimbabwe, famous for its...

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