Pinocchio to play Nigel Farage in hotly awaited biopic

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Requests from the public to name the film have had to be abandoned. They were either correctly spelled expletives or poorly written praise so hard to comprehend that the staffer responsible for sifting through the responses incurred a nose bleed.

Musicians speak at upset of knowing that Tories like their work

4
Distraught musicians Florence Welch and Calvin Harris have spoken out at their horror of discovering that they have next to no control over what...

Eastenders ‘Let’s Make a Success of Brexit’ Special to air every night

2
BBC smash hit soap 'Eastenders' has been ordered by the Culture Secretary to throw its weight behind Brexit and help make a success of...

X distances itself from factor

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For over a decade, the "talent" show that has built false hope in thousands and eroded the entertainment values of millions has been hit...
Ant and Dec

Ant or Dec to present Saturday Night Takeaway without Ant or Dec

Ant or Dec is going to present ITV's Saturday Night Takeaway on his or his own for the rest of this series, it has...

Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse announce major UK Tour from end of March

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Classic rock band The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced plans to get back together and hit the road in the U.K. on...

Rochdale Christmas light turn on will be a Britain First

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This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul...
Telly Tubbies

Tinky Winky to return half of salary after identifying as a woman

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BBC bosses have demanded that Teletubbies star Tinky Winky hand back half the wages ever paid over the course of the show after she...

“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green

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The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer...

Yes Prime Minister explains the Trident Vote

Sir Humphrey: With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe. Jim Hacker: I don't want to obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe.  Sir Humphrey:...

Stranger Things shit declares post millennial generation

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Self obsessed cockwomble, Sebastian Tristrum, 14, said "It's crap. I put down my iPhone for a bit and tried to watch it but nothing...
James blunt

James Blunt demands Knighthood after Ed Sheeran receives MBE

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The news of Ed Sheeran’s accolade in the latest honours list has been greeted by mixed reactions. His fans have welcomed the news, but their...

Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film

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His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga. Warning: contains spoilers Shooting began today for the latest...

Candice wins Great British Pout Off 2016

Candice from Bedfordshire has won The Great British Pout Off after ten gruelling weeks of televised puckering.

Ann Widdecombe suspended over Strictly sex abuse claims

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Privy Councillor and former Tory MP Ann Widdecombe has been suspended from the Conservative Party after shocking claims of historical abuse and inappropriate conduct...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

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Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering...

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