Mary Berry to retire from television

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With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement...
Bono

Berlin enjoys best U2 gig in years as Bono loses his voice

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It's being dubbed as the greatest U2 concert ever by people who bought tickets but can't work out why. U2 played Berlin last night and...

70 year old scouser claims he was never a Roadie for The Beatles

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Stephen Scully from knotty Ash in Liverpool has come forward to make the quite outrageous claim that he was never ever a roadie for...

Candice wins Great British Pout Off 2016

Candice from Bedfordshire has won The Great British Pout Off after ten gruelling weeks of televised puckering.

Donald Trump Twitter Account wins Nobel Prize for fiction

The American character actor, author and comedian behind the Twitter Account, @realdonaldtrump, has scooped the Nobel Prize award for the best work of fiction...

Cliff Richard still not a nonce confirms BBC

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Singer, God-botherer and long term bachelor for no particular reason is still not suspected of fiddling with young men, according to a BBC report. The...

Pressure grows for superhero movie with strong male lead

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Following the box office success of ‘Wonder Woman’ pressure is growing for a Hollywood studio to finally make a superhero movie with a strong...
Ant and Dec

I’m A Celebrity host seen tampering with a parachute following announcement that K***e H*****s...

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Following the shock decision to give Ms Hopkins, who has been sacked from numerous broadcasting jobs because of her wordhole, a spot on one...

Russians say Donald Trump and Mr Blobby never seen in room together

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Russian intelligence leaked today reveal that current and soon to be impeached American president Donald Trump has a very suspicious past. “We look into all...

Poll proves delivering comedy through a voice synth makes it quarter of a million...

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A new poll of over 2 million sofa enthusiasts has shown that British audiences find comedy funnier if delivered through a voice synthesizer. The vote...

Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...

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A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at...

Marvel say Super-Gonorrhoea ‘unlikely’ to feature in new Avengers movie

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Marvel Studios have confirmed that there are currently no plans for the gonorrhoea 'superbug' to star in its next instalment of the Avengers franchise. Referred to...

James Bond producers buzzing about Putin’s Cold War reboot

The producers of the James Bond movie franchise are said to be absolutely over the moon about Vladimir Putin's recent decision to reboot the Cold War.

Paul Hollywood slammed for attending birthday party dressed as Nigel Farage

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Great British Bake Off star Paul Hollywood has apologised after being pictured dressed as Nigel Farage at a fancy dress party. The 51-year-old said the...
Pretentious Man

Pretentious local “hadn’t noticed” new Doctor Who Was female

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In the UK we all know and love the kids TV show Doctor Who, because that's what we're told to do by the BBC....

Parents across the country prepare to encourage their kids to defy them

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Yes, it's that time of the year again, the nights are drawing in, there's a chill in the air and knob heads can't wait...

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