Britain First Dates

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After the success of its restaurant based dating show, Channel 4 are set to do a one-off Xmas special to coincide with Paul Golding...
Katie Hopkins

Poisonous snake first to leave I’m A Celebrity after failing to overcome fear of...

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The program known for subjecting contestants to creepy crawlies, scary animals and filthy challenges is facing a crisis after it has emerged that none...

Teenager on Love Island talks b******s for 60 minutes

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Television viewers were left cringing tonight by one of the contestants on hit TV show Love Island. Valerie Still said, "It was awful. They each...
Michael Gove Game of Thrones

Lannisters appoint Michael Gove as Minister for Backstabbing

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Rumours swirling about Westminster Green today suggest Michael Gove has been successfully headhunted by a recruitment specialist operating out of Westeros. It's believed Mr Gove...

Couldn’t organise a piss up at a brewery now Couldn’t open an envelope at...

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People bored with ways of describing the gross ineptitude they see around them on a daily basis in work, in the media, in government and politics...

Channel 4 to launch Halal-friendly version of Countdown

Channel 4 has announced plans to launch a 'Halal-friendly' version of its popular quiz show, Countdown. An established favourite with pensioners, students and people who...
Tardis

Parallel dimension parking ‘trickier than it looks’ says new Doctor Who

In a shocking confirmation of what arseholes up and down the country have been saying for hours, the new Doctor has fucked it already...

Ant in rehab after Dec shoots him in the eye with paintball gun

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The North East was rocked today as Ant revealed he has been shot in the eye by long time friend and co-presenter Dec.

Jabba The Hutt denies allegations he’s ever been a movie producer

The interstellar crime boss and CEO of Tatooine’s largest cartel has gone on the record to deny allegations that he has ever received a...

Theresa May to appear from Pyramid in Glastonbury

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Conservative leader to introduce those monks from Doctor Who on the main stage as Michael Eavis pours away his cider and looks accusingly at...

Ralphs to go back to original pronunciation 

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Ralphs across the globe have collectively decided that they no longer like being called 'Raif'. Ralph Johnson of Middleton said; "Because Ralph Fiennes started calling himself...

Streisand Needs To Pronounce Her Name Properly, Says Siri

Barbara Streizzand has used her fame as a has been screecher and ex-movie star to get Apple to alter the way Siri pronounces...

Gove to juggle environment portfolio with rent boy role in Midnight Cowboy sequel

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Michael Gove will juggle his new appointment as environment minister with a starring role in the long awaited sequel to 60s cult classic movie,...

Eastenders ‘Let’s Make a Success of Brexit’ Special to air every night

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BBC smash hit soap 'Eastenders' has been ordered by the Culture Secretary to throw its weight behind Brexit and help make a success of...
Ant and Dec

Ant or Dec to present Saturday Night Takeaway without Ant or Dec

Ant or Dec is going to present ITV's Saturday Night Takeaway on his or his own for the rest of this series, it has...
Old man tying shoe laces

Man who can tie his own shoelaces favourite to win Burnley’s Got Talent

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Headlining the, new, ITV Spring schedule is the hit series, Burnley's Got Talent, hosted by one of the Ant and Dec twins. Described by the...

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