Local high fat enthusiast and walking cardiac arrest Wayne Bucket who inexplicably made it to the finals of Great British Menu, has been voted off the show.
The show pits the country’s top chefs against each other to create a menu for a charity dinner showcasing British food, by utterly wrecking great British staples in the name of being as pretentious and inedible as possible.
Wayne Bucket, a kebab house operative from the high street had somehow managed to convince the researchers on the show that his shop, Le Brochette de Poulet was award winning after receiving 3 Michelin tyres from Kev’s Garage down the street.
Wayne takes up the story; “I’ve worked and sweated for years to get where I am today, most of the sweat is still in my apron. So I wanted to showcase the best of British street food. For my main course I’d done chicken breast coated in a 10 spice and herb batter, with batons of new potatoes and a tomato jus, served on a cracked granite-effect formica tablet. But I couldn’t compete with matey boy from that Fat Pigeon place who did blowtorch seared liver and crispy onions in a bowl, on a bed of dry ice and gravy. How can I compete with that level of inedibility? ”
One of the judges, restaurateur Prue Leith told the Herald, “We are looking for great British dishes like a Sunday Beef Roast, deconstructed and served in pill form with a foam garnish. Something we can charge £200 a head for after the show in our establishments. Wayne just hasn’t quite got that level of wankyness.”
Wayne continued, “We all went out and got shedded afterwards, and then about 2am managed to find a ‘slivers of Lamb terrine tossed in a spicy sauce served on a bed of lettuce in hand pressed flatbreads-shop’. That’s London for you.”