Greater Manchester Police hire youngest ever Special Constable

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Greater Manchester Police have hired the youngest ever special Constable this week. James Cannings was sworn in by Chief Constable Rob Potts on Thursday. James...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

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Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.
gavel and block

Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney

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As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called...
Asda

Black Friday riots as Asda sell trolleys for £1

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Riot police had to be called to a Rochdale Asda today following a bout of civil disorder. Heavy discounts meant customers could purchase trolleys...

Donald Trump signs Executive Order Banning Entry of Toddlers into USA

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After being alerted to the shockingly high number of deaths caused by toddlers shooting their parents, President Trump signed the legally binding order yesterday that prevents...
Terroist

ISIS Claim Responsibility for Chimney Destruction in Kent

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So called ISIS or Islamic State today sensationally claimed responsibility for the destruction of the the Grain Power Station Chimney in Kent. In a Facebook...

MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns

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Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier. The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

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Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.
Free Tommy Robinson

‘Off to free Tommy Robinson’ replaces ‘dropping kids off at the pool’ as UK’s...

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News is just in that spot poll of everybody in the UK has revealed today that the UK's favourite synonym for taking a dump...

Donald Trump arrested for vandalism after smashing own star

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News broke a short while ago that Donald Trump's celebrity star had been smashed to bits on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A Mexican man...
Police

US Police Report Record Start to Season After “Glorious Twelfth”

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US Police are have reported a record start to the Season after the traditional start to the Civilian Shooting Season with Tulsa leading the...

EDL firebombs PC World in Rochdale town centre

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The computer superstore PC World, this morning lies in tatters as a pile of smouldering rubble following a devastating attack last night.  The trouble began...

Mike Hookem’s Dad officially bigger than Steven Woolfe’s Dad

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Following an altercation in Strasbourg yesterday between two fully grown adult men, Mike Hookem and Steven Wolfe, UKIP released a statement saying;
Blackeye

999 rescue for man who misunderstood the meaning of ‘rape robot’

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A dramatic and embarrassing rescue involving two fire engines and four police cars was underway this morning, after one man failed to realise his...
Milk Tray Man

Milk Tray man jailed for breaking and entering

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A former chocolate delivery man broke into dozens of women’s homes over a 50 year period leaving unwanted chocolates and creepy handwritten notes. Gary Myers, 76...

Rochdale Murderer Caught

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There was shock and disbelief amongst Rochdale motorists yesterday as the police went out and caught a murderer, instead of stopping poor innocent speed...

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