Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack
Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...
Mike Hookem’s Dad officially bigger than Steven Woolfe’s Dad
Following an altercation in Strasbourg yesterday between two fully grown adult men, Mike Hookem and Steven Wolfe, UKIP released a statement saying;
South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest
The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police...
999 rescue for man who misunderstood the meaning of ‘rape robot’
A dramatic and embarrassing rescue involving two fire engines and four police cars was underway this morning, after one man failed to realise his...
Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes
The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...
Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty
A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great...
Rochdale Prison To Hold Open Day
A popular Rochdale prison is to hold an open day this July to help spread awareness of the work they do.
HM Prison Buckley Hall...
US police to swear allegiance directly to Trump and be called the Orange Shirts
In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of...
Julian Assange’s camper van racks up £19,700 in parking fines
The Rochdale Herald can reveal that Julian Assange's camper van has run up £19,700 in parking ticket charges.
The van was left on Cadogan Place a...
Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition
News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.
Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame
Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...
Man beaten white and gold by the Police
We at the Rochdale Herald really liked this headline but couldn't think of a way of making even slightly believable.
What follows is some made...
Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...
A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several...
Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime
A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition...
Fatal logic feedback loop kills five more Americans
America has once again been proved right as yet another mass shooting takes place in shopping mall and nobody armed inside could shoot the...
Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW
A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that...
