G4S win contract to run Guantanamo Bay
Top US officials today confirmed that security company G4S have been granted the contract to oversee all operations in the somewhat controversial detention centre...
Government to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons
The Government has announced plans to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons. The announcement comes after the successful conclusion of a...
Jacob Rees-Mogg snapped drinking mead on the night bus
Haunted hatstand Jacob Rees-Mogg has been forced to issue an apology today after he was snapped drinking mead on the night bus on Tuesday.
The...
Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...
Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.
Britain First’s Paul Golding to release prison memoir ‘My Struggul’
In tribute to the rabidly anti-Jewish fascist Adolf Hitler, the rabidly anti-Muslim fascist Paul Golding, former leader of Britain First, is doing a sponsored...
Government hires Daily Mail readers to beef up security strategy
Downing Street has announced plans to employ Daily Mail readers as a team of specialist civilian advisers as it steps up efforts to improve...
Cocaine price plummets after death of Tara Palmer Tomkinson
The National Crime Agency has warned MP's that the Class A drug is 'set to flood the market' after the untimely death of Tara...
Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney
As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called...
Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK
A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit.
Speaking from beside his swimming pool at...
Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy
In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...
Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim
Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.
Deranged cycle path murders his spell checker
Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker.
In a statesman, a...
God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite
Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act.
It comes after the...
Jeremy Vine in road rage incident.
Television and radio opinion blower Jeremy Vine was subjected to a road rage incident while cycling to work in London yesterday.
He was followed and...
5000 American tourists arrested for ‘hostile reconnaissance’.
The Metropolitan Police Hostile Reconnaissance Unit has arrested more than 5,000 American tourists in the last two days.
US Police Departments to consider offering black suspects running start before shooting them
Following several nights of violence and riots across the United States in response to the death of George Floyd US police departments are said...
