US Police are have reported a record start to the Season after the traditional start to the Civilian Shooting Season with Tulsa leading the way.

The Glorious Twelfth is a term used usually to refer to 12 September which is the start of the shooting season for Lower Income Citizens (Manus Blackus Innercitycus), and to a lesser extent the Lower Middle Income Citizens (Hispanico Et Asianus Malea) in 49 of the 50 States (Officially Alaska is not home to any of the Game species). This is one of the busiest times in the shooting season, with large amounts of game being shot. The date itself is traditional; the current legislation enshrining in The Jim Crow Laws. Not all game (as defined by the Segregation Act 1831) have the same start to their open seasons – most begin on 1 September such as Inmates (Blackus Mostlikeliest) with 1st October for Border Crossers (Mexicanus Desperadus) and Peaceful Protesters (Hipster Interfera Californicus Twat).

Since US law says that the start of the season cannot fall on a Sunday (which would be un-godly & barbaric) it is sometimes postponed to 13 September. Because Citizens are not reared to any extent for shooting since the defeat of The Confederate States in the US Civil War their numbers fluctuate naturally from year to year. In recent years, the Glorious Twelfth has also been hit by hunt saboteurs (Reportus CNNus) the 2005 launch of the Apple iPhone with Camera and real-time Cloud back-up. In some seasons where certain cities are hit by low numbers of peaceful members of the minority communities minding their own business shooting may not occur at all or be over by November.

In these cases Police often take to pulling over cars randomly and harassing foreign tourists.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.