University of Burnley to offer a degree course in Fruit Picking.

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As part of the government's recently launched Fu*k Business initiative, the University of Burnley is offering a 5 Year degree course in fruit picking, including a year of 'On The Job' training. Ian Jaggs, speaking...
Vodafone

Fine isn’t a problem as we don’t pay tax says Vodafone

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Vodafone chief executive Nick Jeffrey has apologised to customers for its poor service after being fined £4.6 million by OFCOM. Mr Jeffrey said the fine was proportionate, and that as they've avoided paying a fair...

HS2 to be built by immigrants

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The government is expected to reveal plans to admit up to two thousand migrant workers from the Calais Jungle to help construct  HS2. Prospective workers will be assessed on their skills, and those selected will...
Survivor

Last PPI claimant found alive and well

2
The last person who is yet to be investigated whether or not they were mis-sold PPI has been found, bewildered, but alive.  After years of searching by PPI claims companies the lone man, Nigel Colinson,...

KPMG look for pension fund down the back of their sofa

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The Senior Outsourcing Revenue Maximisation Vice President for KPMG, the 'big four?' auditor under fire for signing off Carillion's accounts months before its collapse, has pleaded ignorance to the £2.6Billion pensions shortfall and eye...

Sources say DFS might be having a sale IMMINENTLY

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If you want a new sofa, pay attention, because this could save you literally some pounds. In an exclusive scoop, The Rochdale Herald can reveal that popular furniture supplier DFS may be having a sale...
Whiskey

Diageo to move Scotch Whisky production to Romania

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Inter galactic alcoholic drinks giant JoJo - Diageo is to close all of its Scotch Whisky distilleries in Scotland and move production to Romania, the company announced Friday. The company, generally referred to by it's traditional Scottish...
Nick Clegg

Facebook will always be free for students, promises Nick Clegg

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Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free to use for students. The 51 year old former 'politician' was...
Meeting

We need another meeting to discuss this meeting

25
The Rochdale Global Enterprises' operations and functions sub-committee concluded yesterday that a further meeting was needed before its next meeting on Tuesday week. The RGEOFSC meets regularly each week to discuss operations and functions. The...

4,000 job cuts at HSBC after Columbian drug cartels move accounts to Barclays

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HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got a membership at his golf club. The news follows the departure...

Boss of insolvent Maplin vows to solder on

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The failure of electrical retailer Maplin has shocked the market after fuse saw it coming, but is it indicative of the current state of the British economy? Would cancelling Brexit help amp things up...

New Voting System Ticks All The Wrong Boxes

1
More controversy engulfed Rochdale Borough Council today as councillors in Rochdale's Labour run Balderstone and Kirkholt ward rolled out their new voting initiative just one day before the EU referendum. Dubbed DRS (an acronym standing...
Chocolate

Theresa May outraged over plans to drop Great from Great Britain

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Chocolatiers are responding to Theresa May's ire this afternoon after "Great" was dropped from "Great Britain " in a number of confectionary products. From now on "Great Britain's Parliament Boiled Lollies" will simply be "Britain's...
Drug paraphernalia

Is Bank of England endangering health of cocaine users

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A casual cocaine user from Rochdale has accused the Bank of England of intentionally trying to injure and poison him with the new fiver. Nathan Webster 22, a cocaine fan from Rochdale, complained: "These new fivers...
Dress Down Friday

Rochdale boss dresses down staff after casual Friday turns Nazi

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The age old question of trying to persuade employees to continue to care about work on a Friday has vexed employers for decades. A popular choice is appearing to tolerate diversity, of clothing, in...
Office Workers

Passive aggressive colleague is genuinely ‘looking forward to your reply’

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An office worker who regularly distributes passive aggressive emails genuinely is 'looking forward to your response' because he is very lonely and has little else going on in his life, it was confirmed today. Mid-ranking...

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