Reality of snow destroys childhood memories of it being fun
Thousands of stay at home parents forced to play with their slack off kids all day have had to revise their 'happy childhood memories'...
Britain First strangely quiet over Jo Cox murder
This week saw the conviction and sentencing of Thomas Mair in the case of the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox.
During the murder, the...
Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
Adorable baby will grow up to be massive bellend
The parents of an adorable baby in the borough of Rochdale were dismayed to learn today that statistically it is very likely that he...
Brexit decided by a swift round of ‘Bullseye’
It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of...
Bloke In A Pub Claims Responsibility For Royal Pregnancy
A bloke in a pub has claimed that the Duchess of Cambridge’s unborn child is his, reports have confirmed.
Unemployed Willie Eckerslike, 42, from Rochdale,...
Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech
Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...
We’re showing some restraint, how about the rest of you try it
Like most of the country, the Herald woke up this morning to the news of a catastrophic tower block fire in West London. This...
Jeremy Hunt’s £44,000 office shower necessary for cleaning off his bullshit
“Of course Jeremy needs a shower for his office. He’s in it right now as a matter of fact. Every time he opens his mouth, he spews out so much utter bullshit that it gets all over him and he has to get cleaned up.”
It’s not our fault you can’t afford a house, say Thatcherite geriatrics to younger...
British geriatrics were claiming victory this afternoon in the long held ‘it was better in the old days’ debate against younger demographics.
Research released by...
UKIP Apologises For Not Knowing What Obvious Means
UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp.
The announcement came after a social media...
Radical preacher Anjem Choudary Wins a Five-and-a-Half Year Contract to Radicalise UK Prison Population
The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive...
Women overcome by raw sexuality of man undercooking chicken on BBQ
Emergency services were called to a barbecue at a property in northern Lancashire this afternoon after dozens of women came over "a bit funny"...
Fears 40% of millenials may never have tedious home improvement conversations
There are fears that up to 40% of millennials may never be able to have tedious home improvement conversations.
Fewer and fewer people are able...
Nation tries to remember why it told kids to knock on strangers’ doors for...
Did we just adjust the clocks so that it is dark by the time kids come home from school, and then teach them to...
Sheffield City Council declares state of emergency after residents are forced to have a...
Sheffield City Council have declared a state of emergency after some residents reported taking a bath.
Brightside resident Stand Still told us, "It's been 12...
