National News

A new survey of social attitudes out earlier today has revealed that Torquay has turned into the Hate Capital of the UK overnight after groups of xenophobic, racist and ultra-right wing political activists gathered...

The numbers are now in for Satire Aid's Big Fat Secret Santa appeal. Together the readers of The Rochdale Herald, NewsThump, Angry People in Local Newspapers, Tuckered and Southend News Network we have bought...

Brexiteers have demanded the Government grant settled status to cognitive dissonance. The demands come as many companies that employ lots of people in Britain threaten to turn project fear into project reality. Brexiteer Cliff Edge...

Ryanair CEO, and Doctor Who Super Fan, Michael O'Leary reaffirms airline's commitment to the BBC series Budget airline Ryanair continues to work round the BBC ban on advertising with boss Michael O'Leary's cunning strategy.  This...

An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove has been cast as Tick-Tock, Theresa May as Captain Hook...

In an attempt to make the Labour leadership election more comradely and fairer, the Labour PLP has been trawling through the social media activities of all its members. Members who were deemed to be lefty...

Theresa May’s Conservative government have quite literally meddled with time in their pursuit of successfully completing Brexit according to their timetable. The Conservative party used their parliamentary majority to force through the ‘British Calendar Act’, giving Theresa May...

From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...

A Rochdale family who were due to fly with Ryanair to Alicante this week have had their flight cancelled. The family have told the Herald that contrary to what would be expected, they don't see...

Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed. The move comes in the wake of their nominating “fake news” to...

Denise Dufite of Middleton has captured the spirit of Christmas by ignoring the twelfth phone call of the day. Instead of answering calls from no less than nine different individuals, Denise has instead eaten...

The Big 6 electricity providers are set to impose a special levy on households deemed to have displays of more than 5 metres of Christmas lighting this year.  The energy companies are concerned that with...

Tim Farron has today visited a primary school in Bacup in an effort to convince voters that the Lib Dems absolutely, cross their hearts hope to die, will not fuck it up over education this time...

In another great victory for liberal tolerance, the much maligned "just a phase" movement will be properly recognised at tomorrow's London Pride. In between the many sexual identities and gender fluid marchers you will...

Britain's gyms are in a state of absolute chaos as billions of people descended on them today.  It was standing room only in every single gym in the country with many people experiencing queues of...

London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost today. Transport For London excitedly announced news of a deal...