Heroine

Get on smack if you love the Union Jack – patriots demand you inject...

Britain's most patriotic patriots have led calls for everyone in the country to be forced to inject themselves with poppies. The push for proper respect for our troops has secured backing from across the...

Britain prepares to spend weekend listening to pensioners contrived war stories

British pensioners are gearing up for this weekend’s festival of remembrance by remembering their contrived war stories. Many, like 78 year old Justin Case, spent a great deal of the war throwing up, pooing into...
En Suite

Pretentious couple install extra place to pooh in house for £20,000

A pretentious couple from Rochdale have installed another place to have a pooh in their house, for some reason. Steve and Barbara Dickinson have revealed that they can now do a turd in their bedroom...
Kate Middleton

Bloke In A Pub Claims Responsibility For Royal Pregnancy

A bloke in a pub has claimed that the Duchess of Cambridge’s unborn child is his, reports have confirmed. Unemployed Willie Eckerslike, 42, from Rochdale, was overheard telling a crowd of people in the pub...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get used to the conditions.  Rochdale Community University's Department of Scrapping and...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has been described as a "monster fatberg" has been spotted in...
Gay Pride

‘Just a phase’ movement finally represented at London Gay Pride

In another great victory for liberal tolerance, the much maligned "just a phase" movement will be properly recognised at tomorrow's London Pride. In between the many sexual identities and gender fluid marchers you will...

Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...

The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan Still said, "Under the Tories young people have increasingly been...

Jeremy Hunt’s £44,000 office shower necessary for cleaning off his bullshit

“Of course Jeremy needs a shower for his office. He’s in it right now as a matter of fact. Every time he opens his mouth, he spews out so much utter bullshit that it gets all over him and he has to get cleaned up.”
Inclement weather

Facebook Meteorologists Out In Force

The annual outing of Facebook Meteorologists is in full swing. Facebook servers are under severe strain from the pictures of the first inclement weather of the season. It seems in spite of it being cold...
Philip

Prince Philip and Queen Elizabeth facing deportation post Brexit

An Emergency meeting was called at Buckingham palace earlier this week after the penny dropped with Prince Philip in regards to Brexit and complications with European immigration "Oh bollocks, I'm Greek and she's German, what if they send...

Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy

Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role of Middle East Peace Envoy. Ms May is said to be...

Man gets straw into Capri Sun first go

A bloke from Rochdale is being praised as some kind of wizard today after getting a straw into a Capri Sun on his effort. Ryan Griffiths, known as Beardy to his mates, pulled off the...

Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA

Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things explained by local financial whizzkid, Imran Stockdale: "Currently your savings accrue...
Pigs

Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs

Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of my porcine pals have died to give you a tasty...

Follow us

56,830FansLike
18,423FollowersFollow
23,127FollowersFollow

Popular Posts