Princess Diana’s ghost has told Daily Express readers that Theresa May’s Brexit deal is a complete car crash.

Speaking to the Express Diana’s ghost said, “I see that there has been a Brexit announcement. The deal is terrible. After all my years shagging England Rugby players I know a thing about deal making and this is a car crash. Believe me, if there’s one thing I know about its car crashes and Rugby player’s penis’s.”

Diana’s ghost went on, “This is the sort of car crash where you’re spread all over the Champs-Elysees. Shop keepers would be out cleaning the mangled bits of your body up, a nation is in mourning and you’re bastard of an ex-husband is taking all the glory and being rehabilitated in the eyes of the public. This is the sort of deal I refer to as Camilla.”

Diana’s ghost also said, “The price of houses will drop significantly as a result of this deal. I’ve been to the future because I know God and I’ve seen a semi in central London go for under a million quid. That’s how awful this will be.”

Diana’s ghost then went on to detail what will happen in the next season of Game of Thrones saying, “Tyrion Lannister dies.”

She also had some comments about the Royal family saying, “William and Kate are great. They’re perfect. My other son, he should be strung up with his whore. I know it’s strange that I should have these views but it’s because my views align with the Daily Express’s views.”

Diana finished by telling readers that this year would see the worst winter for a million years.

 

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.