National News

Tube Chat Badges given out to travellers on the London Underground to encourage people to talk more are said to be a surprising success, according to some reports today. The badges, which are not supplied...

A Rochdale Dad has broken protocol by announcing that he has begun thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping with more than a week to go till Christmas. Parenting authorities were called to an...

Along with the very fine and folk at NewsThump and The Southend News Network we have put together what we think could be one of the biggest attempts at a Secret Santa ever. Around the...

A delusional representative of the Student Loans Company has said that he is still optimistic that they might get some of the money back that they lent to students. Graham Barnsley, a manager at the...

In an official statement released within the last few minutes, the Home office has apologised 'unreservedly' for deporting 'the wrong sort of brown people'. The apology comes in the wake of the ongoing Windrush scandal,...

HRH the Duke Of Edinburgh to be decommissioned and scrapped after failing Health and Safety tests. Sad scenes at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip failed to pass the safety tests that are being carried...

The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars. 8 year old Freedom Snowphish said, "Last year they got me a carob calendar. It was...

Stuart Anderson, has resumed his place in the Borough Market cheese stall queue. Anderson, 34, told the Herald that he was going to a dinner party on Wednesday, and the rule was to bring an...

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species. They also point out that, for one of...

A dutiful family dog has very helpfully informed a sleeping baby that there is somebody at the door. The seven year old Cocker Spaniel made the announcement at about 8pm this evening shortly after his...

Britain's new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, was commissioned today in Portsmouth. The new carrier is at the cutting edge of British warship design and incorporates many features designed to make bombing civilians considerably easier....

A 4 year old black and white cat from Twickenham has told its owner Steve that "It's pretty fucking unlikely that I will be putting up with this shit much longer" after a 2nd...

The BBC's Question Time recording was cut short on Thursday after an audience member passed out from boredom during the recording. Filming of the BBC One show in Colchester town hall, in Essex, was suspended...

Whitehall: A Conservative cabinet minister who went on the loose for about six hours after escaping from his enclosure has been safely recaptured. The animal, called Gove, was initially thought to have fled from the...

The first shipment of thoughts and prayers has arrived in Kensington to be distributed amongst those left homeless by the fire that destroyed Grenfell Tower one week ago.

A Rochdale woman who has a “sweep it under the rug” approach to the elephant in the room is puzzled as to why her relationships always end badly. Edna Clowdes, 32, has been in and...