National News

After appointing her recently bereaved Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take flack from 'the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally' - Daily Mail, in yesterday's leaders debate. The Supreme Commander of the Strong and...

Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. 'We heard about the poor woman's plight and knew we had to do something,'...

Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop in London’s Kensington High Street, waiting, as Lou Reed so...

President Baxter of the Dogs has today issued an ultimatum and warning to his Cat counterpart, Beloved Leader Felix, over the rising tension in back yards across the globe. "What Mr Felix fails to recognise...

The British Press had better be nice to Prince Harry's new girlfriend Meghan Markle or we could end up with "a bat-shit crazy old boot for a Princess instead". The warning comes from Bert...

Her Majesty The Queen has returned to the Balmoral Estate to spend time with her family over the Christmas holiday and will be attending the local church Christmas Day service in time honoured fashion...

John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black family that buys a trampoline which immediately gets shat on...

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated by the self-righteous when they're offended could supply most of...

Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...

Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers. "I heard that public sector plebs were getting a 1% rise this year" said...

After the referendum on leaving the EU the treasury scrambled quickly to try and formulate a plan.  "No one actually thought the plebs would defy us and screw the country like that so naturally we...

There was an outpouring of fury earlier this week from vegetarians, vegans and religious groups as it was revealed that our new £5 notes are essentially made out of bacon. This morning the royal mint...

Theresa May will relaunch her election campaign today with a classic bit of fighting kit. A trebuchet nicknamed 'Warwolf". The trebuchet, effectively a giant catapult, was one of the famous workhorses of political campaigning before...

In what is seen as a bid to rescue UKIP from self-inflicted obsolescence, leadership hopeful and Anthony Head lookalike, Steven Woolfe has today called for a referendum to secure Britain's opt-out from Global Warming. "We...

Splendid Afros around the world have taken to Twitter to condemn Diane Abbot for being a complete idiot. Diane Abbot was interviewed on the Andrew Marr programme and seemingly blamed her support for the IRA...

Today, a small group of enochlophobia sufferers have spoken out to declare Britain is NOT full. A spokesman for 'Enochlophobia Martyrs for the Prevention of Trumped-up Yenta' (EMPTY), today told us from their rural getaway...