Devastated pensioner Richard Branson, whose home was destroyed by Hurricane Irma, has been overwhelmed by Virgin product customers who have agreed to continue to pay over the odds for second rate services so that he can rebuild his modest home in the British Virgin Islands.

Richard moved out to the British Virgin Islands several years ago as he was keen to live in a low lying, tropical storm prone area after having spent years enduring a harsh life-style, moving between multi-million-pound residences in hostile locations such as Belgravia and the Cotswolds.

Since moving, he has continued to contribute to UK life by off-shoring many call-centre jobs within the Virgin empire, ensuring ex-Virgin customers are continually bombarded with sales letters, and by allegedly ensuring that next to none of his own British originated income is wasted on such nonsense as paying for nurses, firefighters and providing income to the sick and needy, though he insists that his move to the Virgin Islands was nothing to do with dodging paying tax.

A Virgin spokesman confirmed that Branson’s private island took a battering and that the repair bill will run in to millions.

“Virgin will continue to take part in the privatisation of the NHS as well as provide over-priced media services and rail services to the UK, all so that Richard can rebuild his life back in the Virgin Islands. We would ask, at this difficult time, that you send your prayers to Richard and, more importantly, make sure that your Direct Debits are made on time.”