British man who can speak French to be burned as a witch
According to reports the British man who has learnt to speak a foreign language fluently is to be burnt at the stake on Tuesday.
Lord...
Queen buys Prince Andrew Whirlpool washing machine
The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.
A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall...
Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque
Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way...
Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours
Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...
Larry the Downing Street Cat responds to allegations of sexual misconduct: These stories are...
Disgraced veteran mouser Larry the Downing Street Cat on Friday admitted to allegations of sexual misconduct that were levelled against him earlier in the...
Coronavirus maybe more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith warns Government
The Government is warning that Coronavirus could be more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith. The warning comes as the number of cases in Britain...
Russia urges foreign powers not to meddle in their U.K. elections
The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections.
A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other...
Harry Potter thinks Corbo is “Absolutely Wizard!”
Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days...
Tapas actually Spanish for ‘not enough food’ confirms Spain
Spain has confessed to the international community today that the word Tapas actually translates as 'not enough food'.
The revelation comes after local office drone...
Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public
HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.
Palace officials were quick to point...
Builder finishes job on time and under budget
A small building firm in Lancashire has become the first builder in the history of the industry to finish a job on time and...
Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake
Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...
Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services
In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services.
In the statement, Chancellor of...
Hunt saboteurs can’t feel pain, government declares
The government has voted to reject a bill that recognises that hunt saboteurs are humans who feel pain and emotion.
Following an incident over the...
Go Ogle phone App comes with Upskirt as the newest must have photo mode
The chaps at Go Ogle Apps were quick to capitalise on Parliament's decision not to outlaw taking an unwanted picture up a skirt.
The, ironically...
Conspiracy theorists conflicted as scientists announce mask wearing protects from 5G
Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G.
Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told...
