Couple looking forward to annual tedious night out, in dreadful nightclub with hideous people
A middle aged Rochdale couple are reportedly giddy with excitement about their annual tedious night out in a horrible club with hideous people tonight.
Barbara...
Queen buys Prince Andrew Whirlpool washing machine
The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.
A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall...
Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael
Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael.
A...
Prince Philip to star in new season of The Walking Dead
There are rumours circulating today that Prince Philip will get a central role in a new series of, The Walking Dead.
The show depicts characters...
Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security
The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security.
"We are sorry...
Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason
Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources.
For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
Trump storms out of NATO summit after Justin Trudeau appears in orange face
Donald Trump has flounced off from a NATO summit after Justin Trudeau appeared to mock his appearance by appearing in 'orange face'.
The incident took...
Elmer Fudd resigns as Home Secretary
The Home Secretary Elmer Fudd has resigned, Downing Street has said.
Mr Fudd, was due to make a Commons Statement on Monday about the Windrush...
UKIP elects Diane James leader
Diane James was elected the leader of UKIP yesterday and has already been causing controversy on account of not being Nigel Farage.
People outside of...
Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit
Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today.
There's been a...
New British Sign Language gesture devised to mean ‘Daily Telegraph reader’.
Users of British Sign Language (BSL) have adopted an addition to their vocabulary.
This is a reaction to a front page article in the Daily...
Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake
Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...
Not drinking alcohol only makes life feel a lot longer, confirm experts
Not drinking will make your life feel a lot longer, according to a study that suggests not being a little bit drunk every day...
Northern Dad puts heating on
Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on.
Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains...
Satirists across the globe have a day off due to lack of news
The Daily Mash, NewsThump, SNN and The Poke all refused to post content today as world events seemed to have ground a to halt.
"A...
Further scandal as so called satirical page Southend News Network owners aren’t even Southern!
In what is turning out to be a much dragged out saga of scandal after scandal from those jumped up meme thieves over at...
