I’ve already wrapped all my Christmas presents, say terrifying psychopaths
Terrifying psychopaths around the country have taken time out from planning murders and disembowelling their neighbour's pets to tell The Rochdale Herald that they...
What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack
It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...
Britain surprised by arrival of snow for 8,000th year in a row
?Ever since the peninsula of Britain became the island of Britain, the inhabitants have been utterly unable to predict or cope with the cold...
You can’t derail me, cackles lunatic on roof of burning runaway freight train
A woman sitting on the roof of a runaway train full of burning horseshit has said she is "proving the doubters wrong" after not...
Extreme weather leaves KFC with too much chicken
As 'The Beast From The East' takes a firm hold across the UK, KFC have announced that it is overrun with chicken as no...
QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD
According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword.
A...
Queen announces Prince Harry will become King of the USA following wedding to Meghan...
The Queen has announced that she exercise her right to crown Prince Harry and Meghan Markle King and Queen of the USA.
During the announcement...
Lemming suicide myth rebunked
For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss...
?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules
Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners...
The Queen asks Merkel to form a government
Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the...
Queen denies ever having met Prince Andrew
Buckingham Palace has released a statement from the Queen denying that she has ever met Prince Andrew.
In the statement the Queen said, "I've never...
Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion
Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer...
Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason
Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources.
For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
Outrage after child attends school Halloween party dressed as a MOSQUE
A group of parents is said to have been left "absolutely fummin (sic)" after a child turned up to a local Halloween party dressed...
In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless
Albion; pleasant, fair and green
In the year of our Lord, 2020
Dragons were few and seldom seen,
Yet poor folk were a plenty
Though dragons were vanquished...
Daily Mail photo editor awarded the Iron Cross
The chief photo editor for The Daily Mail has been awarded the Iron Cross this afternoon.
A spokesman for The Daily Mail said, "This award...
