National News

To a POTUS Yon tangerine faced Yankee prick, that makes the people aw feel sick, who has a little tiny dick and a big red button He's welcome not on Scotland's shores and if he dare to knock our doors we'll...

An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman was injured and several thousand people were left stranded on...

The chaps at Go Ogle Apps were quick to capitalise on Parliament's decision not to outlaw taking an unwanted picture up a skirt. The, ironically titled, Private Member's Bill proposed making up-skirting a criminal offence....

Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in 40 years. Developers say the app was "not designed to undertake...

Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us, "It's great to see so many people out testing their...

A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on Tyneside. 26-year-old hairdresser, Cheryl Weedy, revealed her new look on Thursday...

The humble British Army entrenching tool, a short, squat, folding standard NATO issued 3-way shovel, pick and close combat weapon, has surged in popularity amongst British frontline troops as the piece of kit you can't...

Police have released details of a massively successful anti-drugs operation conducted with the help of Shaun Ryder and Bez. As the son of a police Detective Inspector, Bez feels very strongly about the fight...

An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her long-term imaginary friend and not the democratic wishes of the...

Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit otherwise he risks becoming Prime Minister. One MP told us, "Jeremy...

The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be an idea to get his big coat out of the...

Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of people from a wide range of areas across Britain.  One insider...

A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his legs in the bath twice a week and has an...

Michael Gove has denied that footage of someone driving blind folded is actually him this afternoon. The footage appears to show Mr Gove in traffic on the M25 attempting to drive whilst blindfolded. Gove allegedly...

Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have yet to come to fruition. ISIS-supporter and sad little wanker,...

Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police sting operation. The Prince was amongst dozens of beggars on the...