Suicide prevented with picture of ‘Inspirational Quote’
Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday.
Mr. Jones...
Microsoft worker takes Apple to court
Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot...
Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”
UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black...
Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding
Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...
QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD
According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword.
A...
Daily Mail demands children be taught anatomy using dead bodies of their teachers
The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers....
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
Obvious Satire Still Confusing Idiots, Say Scientists
Researchers at the esteemed Rochdale Community University have published a study today revealing that fool-proof satire is still not fool-proof.
"We gave some angry morons...
New £50 note to be made of foie gras
In a surprise move, it was revealed today that the new £50 note is to be made of foie gras. The announcement comes as...
Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab
Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London.
Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts...
Bishop of Coventry confused over sexuality
The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage.
"I didn't know which way...
Northern woman puts heating on
A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October.
Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...
BBC Countryfile Filming Suspended After Presenter Gets Parking Ticket
Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally.
Previously well respected...
Buckingham Palace announces Prince Andrew to tour Paris road tunnels
Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Andrew will go on a state visit of Parisian road tunnels later this week.
In a statement a spokesman...
Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours
Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...
Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod
In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party...
