Thousands come together for eye testing

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Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us,...

Clock in car mysteriously right again

There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...

Daily Express unveils new corporate logo

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The Daily Express as revealed a new corporate logo today that it says is more in keeping with how it and its readers view...

Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.

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A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin...

Statue of Bristol slave trading Tory MP ‘tripped and fell’ insist police

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In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to...
Kate and William

New royal baby to be called DIANA and raised as a GIRL

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Buckingham Palace has sought to quash rumours that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are set to call their new baby boy 'Diana' and...
Haggis

Haggis ‘just a joke we play on the English’ admits Scotland

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With Burns Night suppers planned across Scotland tonight, people are gearing up for the annual celebration of everything it means to be Scottish: fine...

Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”

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UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black...
Rees Mogg

Universal Credit cheaper way to kill the poor than building gas chambers, says Jacob...

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has astounded many people by stating that the Universal Credit fiasco is the cheapest way the Government has come up with to...

Queen to greet Donald Trump with narwhal tusk

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Buckingham Palace has refused to confirm rumors that the Queen will greet Donald Trump with a narwhal tusk during his visit to the UK...

Sun reporter accused of posing as human being to secure Grenfell Tower interview

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A complaint is to be lodged after a Sun reporter allegedly attempted to secure an interview with a Grenfell Tower resident, by posing as...
Conspiracy Theorists

Conspiracy theorists conflicted as scientists announce mask wearing protects from 5G

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Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told...

Geordie accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after wearing jacket during night out

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A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on...

Gay traffic lights turn pavements to mince

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Transport for London have overstepped the mark by introducing gay traffic lights according to Rochdale father of two, Arthur Branesell. "Its outrageous! There's one with...
Stevenage

Slums angered after being compared to Stevenage by Lewis Hamilton

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Lewis Hamilton has upset slums all over the world by comparing them to Stevenage. The five-time Formula 1 world champion made the faux pas while...
Scientists

Obvious Satire Still Confusing Idiots, Say Scientists 

Researchers at the esteemed Rochdale Community University have published a study today revealing that fool-proof satire is still not fool-proof.  "We gave some angry morons...

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