Queen buys Prince Andrew Whirlpool washing machine
The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.
A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall...
Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19
Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Meghan Markle nominated for Oscar for her portrayal of woman in love with Prince...
As the New Year approaches rumours are already circulating about next year's Oscar nominations. An early nomination thrown into the frame is Meghan Markle.
The...
Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy
Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...
Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours
Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...
In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless
Albion; pleasant, fair and green
In the year of our Lord, 2020
Dragons were few and seldom seen,
Yet poor folk were a plenty
Though dragons were vanquished...
Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy
More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.
Racism cured after white people put black face on their social media accounts
We are pleased to report that racial prejudice worldwide has been solved by white people blacking up their social media accounts. From your mum's...
Daily Mail editor collapsed after not using racial slur to describe Prince Harry’s...
The editor of The Daily Mail is said to be in a critical condition this afternoon after learning that Prince Harry's new girlfriend is mixed race.
You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told
Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night.
Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group...
Daily Mail issue apology for calling white mosque shooter a terrorist
There was chaos in The Daily Mail Newsroom this morning as they scrambled to reset copy before going to press after the gunman who...
Burnley Rugby team turn to cannibalism after being stranded on M62 in snow
Motorists are being advised to avoid the M62 after reports of a dozen hungry rugby players from Burnley eating the corpses of stranded motorists...
Royal baby to be named Prince Kevin. Probably.
Following the news that Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a bouncing baby boy, speculation is rife regarding the name the House of...
What are your plans for Christmas, ask Mums who have already planned everybody’s Christmas
A Rochdale Mum who has already meticulously planned her entire extended family’s Christmases has asked her children what they are planning to do on...
Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque
Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way...
Prince Harry gets job as Prince Harry look-alike
Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada.
His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince...
