Following rejection by Parliament of the EU treaty to recognise animals as sentient beings, The Rochdale Herald has learned of a reaction by the UK animal kingdom to this news.

The leader of the UK Animal Independence Party, or UPET, Rexington McRexface a Golden Labrador from Berkhampstead told the Rochdale Herald.

“All the animals have had a vote and we’ve decided that MPs are incapable of even the basic animal emotions, they certainly can’t feel pain. It’s perfectly fine to hunt them down maul them to death and eat them.”

“Well after the vote in the commons to recognise animals as sentient beings was thrown out like a wet bag of IAM’s we decided to have our own vote. If MPs haven’t got the balls to, and trust me I know a thing or two about that, to recognise that animals have rights and feelings then they should be reclassified as flora rather than fauna.”

Plants are said to be very unhappy with the proposal by animals to reclassify MP’s:

“We don’t want them, can’t you say they’re a funghus or perhaps bacteria?” Asked a spokesman for the Union of House Plants.

“We voted unanimously that MPs are unable to feel pain and are completely devoid of feelings and emotions. Like plants. The omnivores and herbivores are delighted and say that while they don’t usually eat meat they’d be prepared to eat an MP.”

“Animal sentience was incorporated into UK law in 2009 via the Lisbon Treaty.” Rexington continued. “But in the case of MP’s I for one am prepared to forget that they’re animals, it’s more convenient that way.”

 

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