Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert
Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy.
The so-called magicians...
Corbyn train lie proves case for nationalisation
After it was revealed today that Jeremy Corbyn lied about having to sit on the floor of a train he claimed was ram packed,...
Prince Philip disappointed not to get his own sparkly hat
The Duke of Edinburgh’s retirement is entirely down to one thing, it would seem. Speculation has been rife ever since the announcement, but now...
First shipment of British thoughts and prayers arrives in Barbuda
A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain.
The jet touched down...
Religious fervour hits Rochdale bus passengers
A local member of one of the world's 4200 religions is utterly convinced that his is the correct one.
Stating confidently that “It is,...
Tears of remainers used to put out Saddleworth Moor fire
Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor.
Fire Officer...
Muppet fury over South West Trains slur
Muppets across Britain are furious today after learning that the name of their species was used as a slur to describe vandals by an...
French Declare Victory and Award Medals After Sniper Shoots Drinks Waiter
France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a "hero" sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an...
Builder finishes job on time and under budget
A small building firm in Lancashire has become the first builder in the history of the industry to finish a job on time and...
Collins Dictionary compilers to take course in basic arithmetic after calling ‘fake news’ the...
Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed.
The move...
Kensington and Chelsea Council crowned Royal Rassclart of the Year
In a much needed triumph for the under pressure Conservative party, its leadership of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea has received recognition...
School sex education classes to be replaced by Love Island
School sex education classes are rubbish and should be replaced by episodes of Love Island it has been decided.
Justine Greening said, "Learning to draw...
We want to control our own borders! As long as our borders stay in...
Today small minded people up and down the land were in uproar as rumours that the cheese eating surrender monkeys want the English border...
Hard left protestors to protest Grenfell fire by setting fire to buildings and looting...
Members of the hard left have announced plans to protest at the Grenfell fire by looting and setting fire to local shops it has...
Dog looking forward to “cower under the toilet night” this weekend
A dog has told of his love of the 5th of November festivities, or "cower under the toilet night" as it's known in the...
Chelsea Pensioner breaks Paul Golding’s nose
Biffer bashed as Veteran rejects attempt to hijack Remembrance Sunday
Remembrance Sunday is commemorated every year on the second Sunday of November to mark the...
