National News

On an uncharacteristically serious note we'd like to thank each and every person who has donated or otherwise supported Paul's campaign for The Refugee Council.

A small building firm in Lancashire has become the first builder in the history of the industry to finish a job on time and under budget. Local builder Bob, who is known to his friends...

Following recent criticism from the rail regulator, Train operating companies (TOCs) are to make it easier for travellers to decide which has the worst service.  Public perception has been guided to the false assumption that...

An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’ Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to the chewing gum company Trident, a branch of confectionery empire...

Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor. Fire Officer Asif Hose told us, "The fires have been blazing for...

In a much needed triumph for the under pressure Conservative party, its leadership of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea has received recognition for its role in the Grenfell Tower fire. "It's been a...

A local member of one of the world's 4200 religions is utterly convinced that his is the correct one.   Stating confidently that “It is, innit?”, a Rochdale resident proceeded to explain to exasperated passengers...

France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a "hero" sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an event featuring President Francois Hollande. The shot was fired from a...

Members of the hard left have announced plans to protest at the Grenfell fire by looting and setting fire to local shops it has emerged. Brother David told the Herald, "The Government's response has been poor...

Today small minded people up and down the land were in uproar as rumours that the cheese eating surrender monkeys want the English border to be moved to England. Nigel (52) from Rochdale told us; "This...

A dog has told of his love of the 5th of November festivities, or "cower under the toilet night" as it's known in the canine world. The Yorkie/Maltese cross called, appropriately, Shakey told The Rochdale...

Muppets across Britain are furious today after learning that the name of their species was used as a slur to describe vandals by an announcer on a South West train. The furry creatures (proper name...

Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy. The so-called magicians have publicly recorded many of their barbaric acts including brutally...

Reports have reached the Rochdale Herald that Boris Johnson was spotted by the side of the M25 yesterday waiting for a recovery truck. One witness described the scene, "I saw this car and it was...

Buckingham Palace sources have told The Rochdale Herald that it is "pretty bloody unlikely" that the next Royal baby will be a ginger. They declined to go into any further detail other than to...

Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed. The move comes in the wake of their nominating “fake news” to...