After it was revealed today that Jeremy Corbyn lied about having to sit on the floor of a train he claimed was ram packed, Team Corbyn have admitted it was all a clever ruse.

“Jeremy likes to play the long game and we have been looking forward to somebody actually noticing our little joke,” said a Corbyn spokescomrade, “the point of our little deception was to show that the stress of travelling on our privatised rail system makes even Jeremy Corbyn a bit of a lying twat.”
This proves, he explained, that only a nationalised rail system is viable.

“After all we don’t want people just making shit up to prove their points,” he added.

Asked if there’s anything else Crobyn might have lied about, the spokesman mumbled something about Bregg’s hit or something before slapping his hand over his mouth and shaking his head side to side.

Owen Smith is reported to be dancing around his office this afternoon , shouting, “Gotcha Worzel! Frigging gotha! Somebody send Branson some flowers! Gotcha Catweasel, ya commie bastard!”