France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a “hero” sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an event featuring President Francois Hollande.

The shot was fired from a position 100m from the victims using an Italian weapon specifically designed to fire when dropped….for some reason.

The bullet entered a drinks tent, now officially described as “Chateau Ridgepole” where tap water was being sold at exorbitant prices. It ended in a waiter’s arse quicker than President Hollande could awards himself La Croix de Guerre

Mr Hollande instantly promoted himself to General and the French Parliament declared the whole incident “la battle de Chateau Ridgepole”

Frank Edwards, Editor of Jane’s Defence Weekly said that it was a truly a great moment in French military history. He confirmed the “battle” as “the greatest victory for the French military since the sinking of unarmed peace vessel Rainbow Warrior in Auckland Harbour in 1985.