National News

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility of rebooting his television career after being released last May...

Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of strawberries because of a shortage of migrant fruit pickers was...

Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...

Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain's greatest wartime leader Tony Blair. The surprising rediscovery was made in an interview with...

Sir John Chilcot has come out with excoriating criticisms of former Prime Minister Tony Blair's attempt to mislead the public and MPs over the invasion of Iraq and has recommended stringent action be taken...

Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, "Britain likes to think...

A Rochdale resident has been explaining how winning £10 on the lottery has made him re-evaluate his position on Marxism. Shea Bukharin told the Herald, "I was always up for collective ownership of wealth. The...

It's National Cream Tea Day, which means across the nation the fine china is taken off the Welsh dresser and selections of finger sandwiches and cakes are displayed for a savoury and sweet afternoon...

HRH the Duke Of Edinburgh to be decommissioned and scrapped after failing Health and Safety tests. Sad scenes at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip failed to pass the safety tests that are being carried...

His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga. Warning: contains spoilers Shooting began today for the latest instalment of the long running science fiction saga that has...

Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way for a place of worship for Salisbury Plain's burgeoning Muslim...

The life of a Rochdale man has improved immeasurably after he finally ran out of fucks to give. Office manager James Harding, 38, ran out of fucks last night following the Government’s defeat of...

Like a crowd of Paul Nuttalls, they press forward into the comments section, STOP, STOP writing right there. “The timing is appalling, how dare you write about things in the news,” they complained to the...

Not to be outdone by Corbyn's appearance at Glastonbury last weekend, May hastily forms new band to perform at Latitude this July. In the kind of showbiz spat not seen since the Blur/Oasis feuding days...

Colonel Mustard has alleged that the housing minister, in the cabinet office, with the funding cuts caused the Grenfell fire.   The Colonel, wearing a crumpled rain mac and deerstalker hat made the allegations to...