New Heathrow runway will make getting to France easier say Brexiteers
The new runway at Heathrow airport will be completed just in time for leading Brexiteer's to use it to leave the country for villa's...
Teabag enters second month on little plate by kettle
A teabag is currently entering its second month of lying in state on a little plate by the kettle in the kitchen.
Barbara Dickinson of...
Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update
Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre...
Builder who did the quote for Buckingham Palace sucked air through his teeth first
After a quick survey of Buckingham Palace on Thursday, 38 year old builder, Barry Burford reportedly said;
"Well, there's the pointing, supplies, man hours, that...
Roof Falling Down Fastest Thing About Southern Rail
Southern Rail execs are busy trying to figure out how to blame unions for one of their trains falling to bits on its way...
Man with plan to carpe the absolute diem out of today now on his...
A Rochdale man woke up Monday morning to his Eye of the Tiger alarm clock, punched the air, and said let’s get to work.
Trevor...
Chinese cardboard rocket manufacturers report bumper earnings following Korean military parades
Manufacturers of gigantic cardboard rockets and inflatable tanks have reported record profits for April following Kim Jong Un's massive display of military force.
"It's been...
Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens
Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...
Joy as Palace confirms Pippa Middleton’s bottom WILL feature at next year’s Royal wedding
Buckingham Palace has today confirmed that Pippa Middleton's buttocks will be brought out of storage for the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle...
Children of middle class parents begin Christmas paperwork
The children of middle class parents all over the country are celebrating the rest of their holidays by doing paperwork.
Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque
Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way...
OED announces Word Of The Year
The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden...
Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…
In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today.
The Pope was...
It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees
Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people.
Employee Bill Board told...
Tories fined £20 million for pumping untreated sewage into people’s brains
The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain...
Tears of remainers used to put out Saddleworth Moor fire
Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor.
Fire Officer...
