National News

The Queen has announced that she exercise her right to crown Prince Harry and Meghan Markle King and Queen of the USA. During the announcement the Queen said, "Many people think that the USA is...

Everyone on Facebook is now an expert in analytical chemistry it has been revealed. The news comes after scientists at Porton Down revealed that they can't definitely say that the poison used in Salisbury came...

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced they've chosen to symbolise their love with poisonous flowers. Digitalis or, Foxgloves as they're more commonly known will be part of Harry and Meghan's spring themed wedding. Dr Frederick...

The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect. A first-class stamp will now cost you both legs below the knee and a second-class...

With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time; or if you are from Burnley, they just happen to...

There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously showing the correct time. According to sources the clock in the...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has, today woken up in 1818 after instructing his Valet to put his clock back 200 years. His Butler, Riff Raff told us, "He came downstairs for Breakfast at 8 to take his...

There was an awkward meeting this morning when an assistant to the Prime Minister had to explain to her what a joke was. This occurred after a school child attempted to tell May a knock-knock...

A Lancastrian man fed up with the culture of 'fake brews' currently sweeping the nation has took it upon himself to show the masses how it's done. 3-bag brew drinker Stanley Spanner from Clitheroe...

There was massive relief for the owner of a constipated dog today, as their long search for the perfect dumping spot finally ended in the nation's capital. The owners of Bertie the Boxer were...

Following the tragic death of a pedestrian knocked down by a driverless Uber vehicle, the taxi giant confirmed it would be consulting UK Government leaders on how to best deal with a completely driverless...

There was a much needed boost for disabled theatre lovers today, as a West End theatre confirmed they had secured the use of Ant McPartlin's forehead as a ramp for wheelchair access as part...

Fears were increasing today for an intrepid, brave, noble man who has been missing in Ikea for 14 days. Steve Dickinson from Dukinfield was last seen descending the escalator at Ashton-Under-Lyne Ikea a...

Long held tensions between Orthodox Vegans & followers of it's subsidiary Fruitarianism about which is the most ethical way of life finally came to a head in spectacular style this morning. Police were called to...

After spending the long winter months in a hibernatory slumber, the nation's middle-aged men are getting all silly over news that the first hardware superstores and garden centres have been spotted migrating back to...

Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for the Conservatives, Poole council has confirmed from next month anyone...