Following the tragic death of a pedestrian knocked down by a driverless Uber vehicle, the taxi giant confirmed it would be consulting UK Government leaders on how to best deal with a completely driverless car crash.
Uber insiders were said to have been impressed not just with the incumbent Government and their completely rudderless attempts at Brexit negotiations, but also how the opposition seem to contrive to make a pigs ear of the basic task of agreeing with each other for the greater good of challenging the utter shower in number 10.
Spokesman Rudi Pene confirmed they were in the early stages, but talks were positive.: “We’re hoping the Government can help take the heat off Uber. We notice that they tend to use an array of banal platitudes like ‘Brexit means Brexit’ laced with something more sinister, along the lines of ‘It will get worse before it gets better’ so we’re thinking of perhaps circulating a release along the lines of ‘Driverless cars mean some car crashes – This is the price of progress, it’s what you wanted, so stop whinging about it.”
“It probably needs smoothening out with that Good Ol’ British Charm, but we shall meet with Downing Street and see what they think.”
When asked if they would be paying the Government for such salient advice, Uber confirmed negotiations were ongoing, with their latest multimillion pound cash offer rejected by David Davis, who stubbornly demanded a lukewarm latte and a half eaten croissant for their services.
“We’re not sure he understands how this works.”