Local News

The creator of the World Wide Web has today declared that he officially "cannot be arsed" with the Internet anymore.  This comes after the revelation that people like Linda Blanston (name changed to protect her...

Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in post-apocalyptic Britain. "It's very exciting." A spokesman for Rochdale estate agency...

Manchester residents are delighted that their rituals to the Rain God have worked and banished the burning eye that brings only searing skin pain. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College said, "In ancient times the...

Thae Yong Ho, a North Korean diplomat, is widely reported to have defected from the People's Totally Free And Lovely Free People's Free Democratic Free Republic of Free North Korea after experiencing Rochdale town...

Rochdale Crown Court today saw the conclusion of the now infamous "Scatter Cushion Slaying" case. The accused, Abraham Smith (54), from the Sink Estate pleaded guilty to stabbing his wife of 22 years 67 times...

Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop and search' policy. It is understood that the introduction of the...

“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”

Rochdale's Indian youth have complained that there is a distinct lack of  late night 'English' takeaway food available in the town. "You know what it's like - you go out with your mates for a...

Two semidetached households in North Rochdale are currently amid one of the most notable disputes of recent years.  One of the neighbours, Don Trimple first became enraged when next door's cat kept crawling under the...

  High end retailer, Lewis Veeton Moway, has closed its doors for the last time, citing poor sales despite a massive promotional campaign. Rupert Cholmondley-Featherstonehaugh, the CEO of the bling-to-Bentley store, said, "We had little option...

Channel 5 has announced that it has scrapped its planned series "Real Housewives Of Rochdale Town" after the pilot episode turned out to be crap. On the back of the successful Housewives of Orange County...

Greater Manchester Fire & Rescue Service were today boosted in their thankless quest to control the ongoing fires sweeping Saddleworth Moor by the news that they are to receive less funding to aid them. With...

Reports from GMP Rochdale are somewhat vague to say the least, so the minimum we can assume from the information supplied is the horse is somewhere between the size of a cat and a dinosaur. It's definitely...

It's been a fairly typical week for Rochdale's "MP" after he found himself at the centre of another embarrassing shit storm. In another in a series of decisions Simon has lived to regret, which have...

Council bosses stumbled across some architectural documents relating to the newly uncovered River Roach in the town centre on Tuesday. Deep in the bowels of Hitler's favourite building, several documents advising that the Rochdale river...

A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The Rochdale Herald, she can find enough helpers to smash the...