Rochdale’s Indian youth have complained that there is a distinct lack of  late night ‘English’ takeaway food available in the town.

“You know what it’s like – you go out with your mates for a few pints of warm English real ale and you find yourself craving something bland…”, said Rajneesh Kapoor (19) of Rochdale’s Indian Youth Council.

“You can find spicy food galore, loads of ethnic cuisine, but no overcooked cabbage, bullet style peas, soggy carrot, musty potato or incinerated lamb.”

Rochdale’s Indian community have been forced to frequent late night service stations in their pursuit of bland, badly cooked English food.

“You can get Mulligatawny soup practically anywhere in Rochdale, but you can’t find lukewarm Brown Windsor anywhere,” complained Kapoor. “Not only that, but it’s difficult to find crap English sherry or bottles of very cheap horrible wine.”

Kapoor is convinced that an influx of immigrants has destroyed English culture in Rochdale.

“It’s basically our fault,” he said, “…we’ve taken over the town and removed all the culinary greatness that was England.”

Noticing a gap in the market, Kapoor is considering opening a late night English takeaway to cater for disaffected, drunken Asian youth in search of something bland.

He thinks this could be a gold mine and is advertising for bad chefs and rude waiters to staff the new venture.

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