Reports from GMP Rochdale are somewhat vague to say the least, so the minimum we can assume from the information supplied is the horse is somewhere between the size of a cat and a dinosaur.

It’s definitely a colour, although it could be more than one colour. It has a tail and is highly likely to have 4 legs although it’s not been ruled out it has less.

A police sketch artist was not available to produce a efit of the horse, but we’ve all seen them and they really don’t look like anything at all.

It has been assumed the horse was lost because it didn’t have a satnav and couldn’t tell the police where it was supposed to be or where it was going.

If you have lost something that looks like a huge dog or a bit like a cow please inform the authorities.

Investigations are ongoing.

Dermot writes all of his articles in mixed media (mostly crayons and drool) he finds this style most fits his journalistic style, these are then sent to a room with 100 monkeys at typewriters, eventually something is published.