Reports from GMP Rochdale are somewhat vague to say the least, so the minimum we can assume from the information supplied is the horse is somewhere between the size of a cat and a dinosaur.


It’s definitely a colour, although it could be more than one colour. It has a tail and is highly likely to have 4 legs although it’s not been ruled out it has less.

A police sketch artist was not available to produce a efit of the horse, but we’ve all seen them and they really don’t look like anything at all.

It has been assumed the horse was lost because it didn’t have a satnav and couldn’t tell the police where it was supposed to be or where it was going.

If you have lost something that looks like a huge dog or a bit like a cow please inform the authorities.

Investigations are ongoing.

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Dermot writes all of his articles in mixed media (mostly crayons and drool) he finds this style most fits his journalistic style, these are then sent to a room with 100 monkeys at typewriters, eventually something is published.