Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

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Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the...

Fury as plastic poppy fetishists aren’t allowed to sing their favourite song

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Royal British Legion members from Little Mynd, near Rochdale, have been denied the chance to sing their favourite song during their annual attendance at...

Breakfast means breakfast as new café opens in Rochdale

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The Breakfast Club Café offers a selection of options, including a Hard-Boiled Breakfast and a Red, White and Blue Breakfast. We spoke to proprietors Frankie 'Chubz'...
Burnley

Burnley twins with itself

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After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself. "We hired a consultant...

Gracie Fields sculptor accidentally sent picture of David Jason

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It's embarrassing - said Councillor Dale Whiting. "It's supposed to be our tribute to the legendary Gracie Fields but it looks like Del Boy....

Bearded men tagged in record number of “beard decoration” pictures

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Bearded men around the country joined together in a collective shudder yesterday as they were tagged in yet more increasingly irritating, abysmal and completely...

‘If it wasn’t for your size I’d eat you’ cat admits to owner

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An honest cat has admitted to its owner that the only reason it hasn’t eaten her is down to her relative size. The cat explained...

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned...
Boiling Sprouts

Christmas lunch already ruined after Grandma forgets to start cooking sprouts before end November

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A Rochdale family has had to cancel Christmas this year after Grandma admitted that she had forgotten to start cooking the sprouts in November. Pamela...

EU kebab ban receives chilli reception in Burnley

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The EU move to ban phosphates in donner kebabs has sent a shockwave through the British culinary world. Keith Braithwaite, local restaurateur and winner of...

Rochdale spies suffer eye strain after being exposed to local man’s tackle

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Two of Rochdale's well known top secret spies were today recovering in Specsavers after local man, Fred Higglesworth, exposed himself after drinking ten pints...

PC gone mad as hunchback becomes King of England

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The whole show is at stake if this political correctness is allowed to go on with no thought to the feelings of traditionalists like myself. Next they’ll be naming bloody carparks after him.

Playground craze leads Burnley kids to discover deodorant

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Hundreds of Burnley schoolchildren are now aware of the existence of deodorant thanks to the recent playground craze. The craze involves spraying deodorant from a...

Outrage in Rochdale over proposed Santa suit ban

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Rochdale religious groups are screaming red white and blue murder over a proposed ban on the traditional Santa suit. This follows the New Year outrage...

Rochdale UKIP councillor demands best of three for  Re-Referendum

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Following the announcement that Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith has promised to hold a second referendum on Brexit if he topples Jeremy Corbyn in the upcoming...

Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack

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Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...

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