First plastic fiver in Rochdale passed around pub

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Barry Noakes, a 53-year-old welder from Heywood, walked into the Regal Moon last night like he was king of the world. He strutted to...
Twat

Man who called neighbour Greg for eight years disappointed to learn he’s actually called...

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Maximilian Fontwhistle has professed to being furious about wasting energy trying to be a good neighbour. "For eight years my neighbour has been calling me Greg."...

Hull favourite for Turner prize for ironic depiction of City of Culture

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Kingston Upon Hull has been tipped by the bookies to win the Turner Prize for Irony this year. The famed port city and its people...

Rochdale spies suffer eye strain after being exposed to local man’s tackle

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Two of Rochdale's well known top secret spies were today recovering in Specsavers after local man, Fred Higglesworth, exposed himself after drinking ten pints...

Outrage in Rochdale over proposed Santa suit ban

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Rochdale religious groups are screaming red white and blue murder over a proposed ban on the traditional Santa suit. This follows the New Year outrage...
NewsThump

Berners-Lee quits Internet following Rochdale Herald “Row with Linda”

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The creator of the World Wide Web has today declared that he officially "cannot be arsed" with the Internet anymore.  This comes after the revelation...

UKIP Apologises For Not Knowing What Obvious Means

UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp. The announcement came after a social media...
Danczuk

Rochdale Online to give Danczuk day off

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In a miraculous change of heart Rochdale Online has decided to give the suspended MP Simon Danczuk a break. Editor Sandra Simonhater said "He...

Anti-Vaxxer has very messy carpet

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In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a...
Fission Chips

There’s a bloke works in our chip shop and he swears he’s Kim Jong...

1
A Rochdale fish and chip shop owner has been telling us how one of his employees is convinced he Kim Jong Un. Ray Fry told...

It’s a Global Thing, insists Brexit economist

Rochdale financial expert and three times bankrupt Brexit economist Ivana Sendham-Bach claimed today that the announcement that the UK was about to enter a...

Nation in shock as use finally found for Ed Miliband

The nation was in shock this afternoon after rumours began circulating that Ed Miliband had done something useful somewhere up North. "It can't be true."...

Pretentious Burnley couple having a thanksgiving dinner can’t understand why nobody’s coming

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A Rochdale family have been telling The Rochdale Herald how a Burnley couple have invited them to Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale...

Rochdale woman drinks Gin Advent Calendar on Saturday night

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A Rochdale woman has woken today and realised that she spent last night drinking all the Gin in her Fever-Tree Ultimate Gin Advent Calendar. Orla...

BBC expose puts police behind Barr’s

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A shock revelation on BBC Breakfast this morning revealed that British police forces are using fizzy drink to subdue suspects. The footage was taken from...

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