Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

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Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the...

Rochdale Clown Scare – only Danczuk

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Fears that the Killer Clown Scare had found its way from the United States to Rochdale have been given a custard pie in the...

Rochdale woman in Waitrose platitude tragedy

A Rochdale woman was left devastated today after discovering that she will now be looking after her neighbour's children for the next three Sunday...
Cat

Cats claim they definitely won’t eat your face, probably

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In the event of you suffering a serious accident that leaves you dead or incapacitated, your cat, definitely won’t eat your face, probably, a...

Have Rochdale Tesco Implemented a New Stop And Search Policy?

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Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...
School class

PARENT’S FURY AT COMPULSORY ARABIC LESSONS AT ROCHDALE PRIMARY SCHOOL

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Parents are furious about Rochdale Primary School's decision to force children to learn Arabic symbols in Maths lessons. Many parents believe that forcing their children...
Cyclist

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

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A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan...

Smug Husband packs Christmas shop into fridge

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A smug father of two from Bolton has taken the plaudits of his close friends and family as he managed to pack away all...

Self-publicist Simon Danczuk MP fails to start Twitter war with Vince Cable

Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on...
Twat

Man who called neighbour Greg for eight years disappointed to learn he’s actually called...

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Maximilian Fontwhistle has professed to being furious about wasting energy trying to be a good neighbour. "For eight years my neighbour has been calling me Greg."...

Local man feels a right twat after putting his back out in the gym

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Local man Steve Dickinson (39 and a half) put his back out this morning in the gym whilst trying to get fit for a...

Homeless Bloke says Stop buying me McDonald’s, I’m homeless not f***ing desperate

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A homeless Rochdale man has been telling the Herald about how he's fed up of virtue signalling people only buying him McDonald's meals. David Wild...
theresa nay laughing

Theresa May to communicate Brexit deal using dance

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Theresa May will communicate the UK's Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance. One insider told us, "The...

War of the Roses: The Rematch

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Rochdalians reacted with righteous fury over news of what is seen at best as an aggressive land grab and, at worst, a declaration of...

Man arrested masturbating outside Primark not Simon Danczuk

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Rumours were circulating around the editorial bunker yesterday that the man arrested for masturbating outside of Primark was local pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk. Despite getting...

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