Local News

A Christmas Miracle has been declared after a disabled man was completely cured after parking his BMW across two handicapped parking bays at Rochdale Waitrose.

An as yet unnamed MP for Rochdale has allegedly been arrested for being drunk in charge of a mobility scooter. Police were called in the early hours of the morning after the unnamed MP allegedly...

Hip new fashy fashion hits Brownhill School All the coolest kids in Brownhill School, Rochdale, have adopted it.  “Yeah well, Harvey Weinstein was a Democrat so ner,” is the new top riposte in their ongoing battle...

A newborn baby is deliberately planning the most inconvenient time to either shit himself or start screaming for no reason. Lancashire-born newborn dickhead Barry Dickinson said; "It's all about timing, sleeping with one eye open...

A wife has begun to suspect her husband of having an affair with his shed. “He was the most doting husband when we first married,” Mrs Marjorie Casserole begun, after phoning the Rochdale Herald’s confidential...

Presents bought through the Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal on Sunday 2nd and Monday 3rd December will benefit children and young people supported by the children's charity Barnardo's in the North West. Some of the...

A Rochdale woman has woken today and realised that she spent last night drinking all the Gin in her Fever-Tree Ultimate Gin Advent Calendar. Orla Board told us, "It was delivered on Friday so I...

The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the Animal Liberation Front (ALF). Shortly before nightfall at least eight hooded...

Rover Thomson, a five year old chocolate labrador from Newlyn, has awarded a Michelin star to the cat litter tray located in his family home. The surprising award was explained by Rover as just desserts...

A resident of East Lancashire village Potterby has said that he is furious that the government has ignored Potterby when allocating accommodation for Syrian refugees.  Les Cockie, 63, a chicken analyst, said, "I am angry...

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question posed by his wife. James Grossweiner, 52, was caught floundering shortly...

Lancashire Police have urged the public to be vigilant today after a reputed sighting of a gigantic spider who breaks into homes to poke holes in sofa upholstery. Detectives are working with the RSPCA to...

Derek Winstanley of Rochdale was today emotionally reunited with his sock after a heart-wrenching appeal went viral amongst bored middle-managers & housewives who wanted to feel caring & important. The appeal, started yesterday by Debbie...

There are fears for the safety of a missing Rochdale Golden Retriever who is reportedly suffering an "existential crisis."

A Rochdale man who only ever reads books written by Jeremy Clarkson has voiced his anger about Jane Austen appearing on the new £10 note. 38 year old John Bull said, "It's a sign that...