Gigantic spider pokes two holes in upholstery of sofa according to four year old...
Lancashire Police have urged the public to be vigilant today after a reputed sighting of a gigantic spider who breaks into homes to poke...
Sock Finds Owner as Appeal Goes Viral
Derek Winstanley of Rochdale was today emotionally reunited with his sock after a heart-wrenching appeal went viral amongst bored middle-managers & housewives who wanted...
World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field
World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale.
One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...
Fears for Missing Dog as owners reveal ‘he just wanted to know who’s a...
There are fears for the safety of a missing Rochdale Golden Retriever who is reportedly suffering an "existential crisis."
Brexit Deal Threatens Iconic Rochdale Signpost
One of Rochdale's most iconic landmarks, the Welcome to Rochdale; Arsehole of Europe' signpost, has come under threat as Britain gears up for leaving...
Hipster admits it is “exhausting” being a tool 24/7
Every now and then a new fad will infect society and be scoffed at by decent people, until it fades away into the abyss,...
10 injured after multi trolley pile up in dash to newly opened til at...
Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. So far emergency services have rescued 10 people, including an...
Local commuters in conversation horror near miss
One person was mortified and several others were left badly discomforted today after routine niceties at a bus stop almost ended in a conversation.
The incident,...
Man thanked for countless gifts he had no knowledge of purchasing
A man has been repeatedly thanked and kissed by family and friends for Christmas presents he was unaware of purchasing, despite paying for every...
Local Nun in record attempt to raise the roof
A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The...
Spanish Armada weatherman in the drink after Michael Fish moment
“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”
One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns
At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...
Homeless Bloke says Stop buying me McDonald’s, I’m homeless not f***ing desperate
A homeless Rochdale man has been telling the Herald about how he's fed up of virtue signalling people only buying him McDonald's meals.
David Wild...
‘This isn’t some sort of police state’ says Sheffield man running police state
As he despatched six mini-buses of police officers carrying riot gear to a site where a council-paid contractor was due to fell a line...
It’s the Greatest Story Ever Told – The Rochdale Brexit Christmas Nativity
It was the night before Christmas. Newsthump had run an article claiming that if the surplus Remainers from Islington were resident in Rochdale on...
Rochdale Residents excited at house price rises in Post-Apocalypse Britain
Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in...
