New bay platform at Rochdale station opens

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Great news for Rochdalians! As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station! The new platform - actually a...
Rochdale paramedics

10 injured after multi trolley pile up in dash to newly opened til at...

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Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. So far emergency services have rescued 10 people, including an...

Woman With Book Arrested Under Terrorism Act

A 27 year old woman was arrested and briefly detained by South Yorkshire Police after a Thomson  Airways cabin staff member spotted her reading a...

Have Rochdale Tesco Implemented a New Stop And Search Policy?

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Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop...

New Beer Campaign Branded ‘Tasteless’

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The British Council For Drinking More Beer (BCFDMB) rolled out their latest advertising initiative, a series of billboard posters to be prominently displayed in...

Rochdale woman who found Hitler’s face on slice of toast converts to Nazism

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A Rochdale woman who found Hitlers face in a slice of toast has revealed she's converted to Nazism. The woman's son said, "About a week...

First plastic fiver in Rochdale passed around pub

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Barry Noakes, a 53-year-old welder from Heywood, walked into the Regal Moon last night like he was king of the world. He strutted to...

Rochdale council urge residents to help alleviate flooding

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Rochdale council have taken the unusual step of issuing a plea for help from residents, especially those further out of town to leave their...
Twat

Man who called neighbour Greg for eight years disappointed to learn he’s actually called...

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Maximilian Fontwhistle has professed to being furious about wasting energy trying to be a good neighbour. "For eight years my neighbour has been calling me Greg."...
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Socks and a tie on Rochdale man’s Christmas list

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Rochdale resident Steve Dickinson is hoping for unusual Christmas presents from his wife Barbara this year.  "I'm running really low on socks, so some of...
Writer

It’s too damn hot to write satire says satirist

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Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's...
theresa nay laughing

Only two Prime Ministers until Christmas

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It may only be July but there are only two Prime Ministers until Christmas. That's according to the British Christmas Monitoring League. The warning comes...

Homeless Bloke says Stop buying me McDonald’s, I’m homeless not f***ing desperate

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A homeless Rochdale man has been telling the Herald about how he's fed up of virtue signalling people only buying him McDonald's meals. David Wild...

‘This isn’t some sort of police state’ says Sheffield man running police state

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As he despatched six mini-buses of police officers carrying riot gear to a site where a council-paid contractor was due to fell a line...

Waterloo Road Grandma School Farce

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A crisis has arisen in a Rochdale school after a Chinese whispers cock up of epic proportions went much further than any sane person...

It’s the Greatest Story Ever Told – The Rochdale Brexit Christmas Nativity

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It was the night before Christmas. Newsthump had run an article claiming that if the surplus Remainers from Islington were resident in Rochdale on...

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