Twat ruins barbecue with guitar
Reports are coming in that a twat has ruined a perfectly serviceable barbecue after finding an old guitar next to a sofa in the...
It’s a muffin say experts ending the debate once and for all
An argument over the name of a baked bread product that is traditionally cut in twain and filled with goodness like chips, bacon or...
Black death condemned for being racist
Traditional remedies, like bleeding and mercury, have proved ineffective. Complementary therapists have suggested vaccination, but have been dismissed by mothers who prefer their infants to die naturally rather than to become autistic church goers.
Burnley Analytica implicated in Pie Market fixing scandal
The highly influential research and strategy group, Burnley Analytica, have been accused of unfairly influencing the, multi-pound Northern Pie Market.
An undercover investigation, by Baked...
It is too soon to spoon say Northern Rail commuters
Northern Rail commuters have confirmed that the length of time it takes to get to work is definitely too soon to spoon.
28 year old...
Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes
The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...
‘Childhood vaccines prolonged my agonising march towards death’ claims nihilist.
A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence.
Stephen...
Norman Conquest renamed as nobody wanted a King Norman I
The Normans, with their cry of "Battle Means Battle!" defeated the English army, shooting an arrow into the eye of the English King Harold. Bet he didn't see that coming.
Man that failed GCSE Science now an expert in pediatrics
A Rochdale man who failed GCSE Science has revealed he's an expert on pediatrics and specializes in treatments for Pneumonia. Bill Board loudly announced...
Salem trial lawyer says he’ll never work no win no fee in village again
“I’m very upset. This doesn’t seem fair. I did hours on this nonsense.” Rooster added. “I’d say my earnings went up in smoke, only that wouldn't be accurate, as they hung my clients, all nineteen of them. The bums.”
Rochdale trolley collector quits job, anaesthetises pigeon and cuts off let to pursue career...
A Rochdale man has today spoken exclusively to the Herald about his short-lived career as a pirate.
Captain Lidl Beard had been working as a...
Stockport Town Centre awarded UNESCO World Heritage status
There were celebrations the length of Heaton Moor to Hazel Grove yesterday, as UNESCO officials announced Stockport Town Centre is to become a World...
Council election draw decided by ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’
In a remarkable turn of events, there have been two draws in results in the Local Council elections.
Northumberland County Council saw Conservative and Liberal...
Panic as rebel Corbynistas take West Didsbury
Residents of the leafy south Manchester suburb of West Didsbury were forced to spit their skinny lattes out in shock this morning after the...
Red hot poker denies involvement in death of Edward II
Edward’s distraught widow, Isabella of France, and his best friend, Roger Mortimer, have declared in a joint statement that they will get to the bottom of Edward’s death...
Fury as plastic poppy fetishists aren’t allowed to sing their favourite song
Royal British Legion members from Little Mynd, near Rochdale, have been denied the chance to sing their favourite song during their annual attendance at...
