Rochdale paramedics

10 injured after multi trolley pile up in dash to newly opened til at...

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Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. So far emergency services have rescued 10 people, including an...

Have Rochdale Tesco Implemented a New Stop And Search Policy?

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Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...
sperm bank

Man who failed GCSE science now an expert in Novichok

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A Rochdale man who failed GCSE science has revealed that he is now an expert in Novichok. Bill Board revealed his previously hidden talents...

First Burnley resident to complete 40 minute mile dies at 29

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The Rochdale Herald is sad to report that the first Burnley resident to complete the 40 minute mile has died aged 29. Bill Board completed...
angry

Inheritance should be spent on chardonnay and cruises not care says Rochdale man

Rochdale man Martin Williams has spent today in his local pub attacking the 'Tory Death Tax'. Williams 48, told the Herald, "It's ridiculous. My mum and...

Bacup bakery follow Delta Airlines’ lead, withdraw Britain First discount.

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Following the conviction of their leaders for advanced wankery, local Britain First members today received another body blow.  In line with a recent decision...

Spanish Armada weatherman in the drink after Michael Fish moment

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“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”
knitting

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

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The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...

EU kebab ban receives chilli reception in Burnley

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The EU move to ban phosphates in donner kebabs has sent a shockwave through the British culinary world. Keith Braithwaite, local restaurateur and winner of...
Writer

It’s too damn hot to write satire says satirist

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Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's...

It’s the Greatest Story Ever Told – The Rochdale Brexit Christmas Nativity

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It was the night before Christmas. Newsthump had run an article claiming that if the surplus Remainers from Islington were resident in Rochdale on...

UKIP Apologises For Not Knowing What Obvious Means

UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp. The announcement came after a social media...

Rochdale couple speak of leaving embarassing ‘Jacob Rees-Mogg’ phase

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Two grandparents from Rochdale have spoken about emerging from the embarrassing 'Jacob Reees-Mogg' phase of their life. Orla Board told us, "We'll look back at...

Learner drivers allowed to experience the high octane feeling of sitting in traffic on...

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Learner drivers in Rochdale have been getting to know the high octane thrill of queuing on the M62 for the first time today. The...

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