Local News

Parents are furious about Rochdale Primary School's decision to force children to learn Arabic symbols in Maths lessons. Many parents believe that forcing their children...

Herald editor, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been re-admitted to Rochdale General Hospital for surgery to remove his tongue from his cheek. The jaded and cynical...

Barry Noakes, a 53-year-old welder from Heywood, walked into the Regal Moon last night like he was king of the world. He strutted to...

Manchester residents are delighted that their rituals to the Rain God have worked and banished the burning eye that brings only searing skin pain. Dr...

There were scenes of jubilant confusion in the Middleton area this afternoon after a Rochdale woman discovered that her husband had refilled the toilet...

Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's...

The whole show is at stake if this political correctness is allowed to go on with no thought to the feelings of traditionalists like myself. Next they’ll be naming bloody carparks after him.

Following the announcement that Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith has promised to hold a second referendum on Brexit if he topples Jeremy Corbyn in the upcoming...

It may only be July but there are only two Prime Ministers until Christmas. That's according to the British Christmas Monitoring League. The warning comes...

Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in...

UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp. The announcement came after a social media...

In a miraculous change of heart Rochdale Online has decided to give the suspended MP Simon Danczuk a break. Editor Sandra Simonhater said "He...

A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby...

In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a...

Traditional remedies, like bleeding and mercury, have proved ineffective. Complementary therapists have suggested vaccination, but have been dismissed by mothers who prefer their infants to die naturally rather than to become autistic church goers.

Still recovering from the profound damage caused by that picture of Kim Kardashian's arse a while back, the Interweb was dealt yet another bitter...