One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns
At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...
Only two Prime Ministers until Christmas
It may only be July but there are only two Prime Ministers until Christmas. That's according to the British Christmas Monitoring League.
The warning comes...
Really clean woman furious with ‘Not OCD’ diagnosis
A local woman is said to be furious to discover that she isn't actually OCD.
"I clean the floor and hoover the curtains three times...
I’ve just made a life size jelly of Donald Trump, I fear I may...
“You have to send help.” Dr Thump implored the emergency operator. “If this jelly gets out of my fridge there is no telling what it will do. It might start a nuclear war or worse.”
Industrial Action Threatened as British Workers Jobs at Threat in Languages Row
Reports that several British workers have had their employment terminated from the world famous British sofa manufacturer Zestra, because they failed to learn Polish...
It’s a muffin say experts ending the debate once and for all
An argument over the name of a baked bread product that is traditionally cut in twain and filled with goodness like chips, bacon or...
Rochdale Toddler Softplay Centre to rebrand as Dante’s Seventh Circle of Hell
It's rumoured the world famous café and toddler soft play centre Tumble Tots in Rochdale will shortly be rebranding as Dante's Seventh Circle of...
There’s a bloke works in our chip shop and he swears he’s Kim Jong...
A Rochdale fish and chip shop owner has been telling us how one of his employees is convinced he Kim Jong Un.
Ray Fry told...
GMP Rochdale Plan Devolving Police Powers
A plan to devolve police powers in Rochdale has been given the green light. This will be the biggest shakeup in policing since since...
Baby carefully planning most inconvenient moment to shit himself
A newborn baby is deliberately planning the most inconvenient time to either shit himself or start screaming for no reason.
Lancashire-born newborn dickhead Barry Dickinson...
Manchester tram ‘spontaneous combustion’ victim named
Commuters were left stunned this morning when Londoner Harry Turner spontaneously burst into flames aboard a Manchester tram.
The tragedy occurred after he was forced...
‘Childhood vaccines prolonged my agonising march towards death’ claims nihilist.
A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence.
Stephen...
Rochdale letting agency wins top award.
A prestigious national industry award has been won by local letting agents Fyre, Trappe and Hassel.
The British Association of Letting Agencies awarded the...
Man still wearing 2011 Glastonbury Festival wristband to be euthanised by friends
A man who still wears his wristband from the 2011 Glastonbury Festival is to be euthanised later today, friends have confirmed.
Martin Jones, a 27...
Homeless man turns life around after being told to ‘get a job’
53 year old Gulf war veteran, Ian Stapleton, had been living rough on the streets of Manchester for the last seven years.
The heroic soldier...
Paul Nuttall in surprise bid to become MP for Covfefe
In a move which has delighted the electorate of Boston and Skegness, Nuttall has transferred his allegiance. Nutcase claims divine intervention: "According to the Gospel of...
