Bacup bakery follow Delta Airlines’ lead, withdraw Britain First discount.

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Following the conviction of their leaders for advanced wankery, local Britain First members today received another body blow.  In line with a recent decision...

Do You Live in an Uneducated, Inbred, White Ghetto? Take Our Quiz For 5...

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The Herald are proud to bring you this fun & easy to do quiz - Find out if you are inbred white-trash! Question 1 -...
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Socks and a tie on Rochdale man’s Christmas list

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Rochdale resident Steve Dickinson is hoping for unusual Christmas presents from his wife Barbara this year.  "I'm running really low on socks, so some of...
Luxury goods shop

Local luxury goods firm goes bust

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  High end retailer, Lewis Veeton Moway, has closed its doors for the last time, citing poor sales despite a massive promotional campaign. Rupert Cholmondley-Featherstonehaugh, the...
Writer

It’s too damn hot to write satire says satirist

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Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's...
Hideous Bathroom Suite

Couple decide not to get new bathroom after all

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A couple from Middleton have decided not to get a new bathroom suite after reading in The Daily Mash about a couple who decided...

May announces textile regeneration scheme for the Northern Powerhouse

As the race for the Tory Party Leadership heats up, Teresa May has today announced transformative economic reform plans for the Northern Powerhouse. The ambitious...
Water Treatment

Lancashire residents to be given counselling as water supply found to be contaminated with...

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Water company United Utilities has been fined £300,000 after supplying water unfit for human consumption. Nearly a million households in Lancashire were warned they should...

Put a top on, you’re not Poldark man told.

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A Rochdale man has been told to put a top on whilst he does the gardening as he's in no danger of ever being...

Rochdale man to drink 100 pints to help the N.H.S.

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Rochdale resident Jim Tossking has announced that he hopes to raise £25m for the N.H.S. by supping 100 pints of bitter. A regular at Rochdale's...

UK’s 2nd most popular boys name is currently Boaty McBoatface

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Latest figures released on the governments website www.gov.co.uk reveal the good old British sense of humour is alive and well as almost unbelievably Boaty...

Unnamed Rochdale MP to be charged with being drunk in charge of a mobility...

An as yet unnamed MP for Rochdale has allegedly been arrested for being drunk in charge of a mobility scooter. Police were called in the...
Man laughing

Serious satirists no laughing matter

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150-times winner of the 12-monthly Rochdale Herald annual 'Best satirical news site, based in Rochdale', the Rochdale Herald, has recently left readers puzzled.   It...

It is too soon to spoon say Northern Rail commuters

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Northern Rail commuters have confirmed that the length of time it takes to get to work is definitely too soon to spoon. 28 year old...

Pause in Sheffield tree felling as South Yorkshire Police launch raids on public trumpeters

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Following the recent arrest of a woman for playing a toy trumpet at a tree felling site, and the resultant revelation that trumpeting in...

Miracle Declared As TK Maxx Customer Finds Acceptable Pair Of Jeans

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A TK Maxx customer in Rochdale has described his purchase of a pair of jeans that look acceptable and fit perfectly as “nothing short...

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