Salem trial lawyer says he’ll never work no win no fee in village again
“I’m very upset. This doesn’t seem fair. I did hours on this nonsense.” Rooster added. “I’d say my earnings went up in smoke, only that wouldn't be accurate, as they hung my clients, all nineteen of them. The bums.”
Drowning Man Rescued from Gorton Pothole
Following a night out with his mates, a man who fell into a pothole in Gorton, Manchester was rescued by a passing stranger.
The damsel who came to his distress held onto his hands...
Suspicious package that led to Burnley hospital evacuation identified as basket of fruit
A 'suspicious package' that led to the evacuation of Burnley General Hospital earlier today has been identified as a basket of fruit, according to hospital officials.
Over two hundred patients had to be escorted out...
Government responds to Saddleworth Moor crisis by pledging further cuts to Fire Fighting services
Greater Manchester Fire & Rescue Service were today boosted in their thankless quest to control the ongoing fires sweeping Saddleworth Moor by the news that they are to receive less funding to aid them.
With...
Gracie Fields sculptor accidentally sent picture of David Jason
It's embarrassing - said Councillor Dale Whiting. "It's supposed to be our tribute to the legendary Gracie Fields but it looks like Del Boy. We're a laughing stock yet again".
Initially when the statue was...
Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...
A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank.
Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing his weekly bit of virtue signalling, or charity work as...
Man who failed GCSE science now an expert in Novichok
A Rochdale man who failed GCSE science has revealed that he is now an expert in Novichok. Bill Board revealed his previously hidden talents in Chemistry last night over a few pints in the...
Woakes Croaks – Jokes Hoax Chokes Stokes’ Folks
It has been revealed that a story about England cricket all-rounder Ben Stokes, which was definitely not printed in the Rochdale Herald, was a complete fabrication.
The story, which intimated the Durham player had jested...
Family dog doesn’t understand why you reward your children with food
Malcolm, an inner city border collie, has spoken exclusively to the Rochdale Herald and explained he does not understand why the children in his home are constantly rewarded with food.
“The kids are a pain...
Local Liberal Claims To Only Visit Daily Mail Website For The Tits And Ass
Rochdale liberal Gerard Sutherland has told his wife that he only visits the Daily Mail website for the Z-list 'celebrity' tits and ass, and definitely not for the articles.
The Guardian-reading father of two was...
Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’
Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.
Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down eight mature trees alongside Rustling Road in Sheffield, and contrary...
Border collie describes his life as a series of trials
Malcolm, an inner city border collie, has spoken exclusively to the Rochdale Herald and explained he does not understand why the children in his home are constantly rewarded with food.
“The kids are a pain...
Rochdale council to trial bi-monthly bin collections
Rochdale Council's Refuse Planner, Frederick West, made the announcement on the council's Facebook page last week.
"Since the resounding success of our bi-weekly refuse collections we've decided to trial a new scheme in which we...
Spanish Armada weatherman in the drink after Michael Fish moment
“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”
Self-publicist Simon Danczuk MP fails to start Twitter war with Vince Cable
Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on Twitter this morning.
Sir Cable, who wasn't suspended from his party...
Couple decide not to get new bathroom after all
A couple from Middleton have decided not to get a new bathroom suite after reading in The Daily Mash about a couple who decided not to renovate their kitchen.
“We were thinking about spending thousands...
