Rochdale confectionery specialist Dr Richard Thump has reportedly called the emergency services to confess to having made a life size jelly of Donald Trump out of fear he has set a dangerous president.
“You have to send help.” Dr Thump implored the emergency operator. “If this jelly gets out of my fridge there is no telling what it will do. It might start a nuclear war or worse.”
Reportedly the operator was initially skeptical until Dr Dick Thump informed the 000 line of his previous efforts.
“Nigel Farage was a scone at first. I baked him out of a naive attempt to impress my grandmother who was obsessed with 1970’s stand up comedians. He ran away as soon as he saw the butter knife. Look what he went on to do. Boris Johnson was just a blancmange I made as a gift for a girl I was trying to get into bed. She thought he was hilarious on ‘Have I Got News For You’ but look what he’s gone on to do! He’s responsible for the ruin of the British economy.”
Apparently the operator interrupted Dr Richard halfway through his excuse for making David Cameron as a comedy dog poo that slipped out of the door while he was answering the call of nature himself and went onto lead the Conservative Party. We all know what happened with that.
“You have to stop me. You have to stop jelly Donald. I fear my recipe skills are so potent now he could do anything. He might even end up in charge of the largest nuclear arsenal on Earth.” Unfortunately it seems that the call for help was too late.
“Oh my god. Just send an armed response unit. I’ve just looked at Twitter. I can’t control myself. You have to stop me before I set anything worse than this dangerous president.”