A couple from Middleton have decided not to get a new bathroom suite after reading in The Daily Mash about a couple who decided not to renovate their kitchen.

“We were thinking about spending thousands of pounds on a new upstairs bog.” Steve Dickinson told The Rochdale Herald.

“But then I read a story about a couple from Peterborough who had decided not to get a new kitchen. I thought, if they can not get a new kitchen, I can not get a new bog.”

“Our upstairs bathroom is fine really, it’s got a bath in it, I don’t really have baths. I brush my teeth in there and use it for pooing.”

Steve’s wife Barbara is said to be furious with The Daily Mash and considering suing.

“The upstairs bathroom suite is avocado coloured. It took me fifteen years to persuade Steve to bloody well replace it and they go and write some inspirational and frankly brilliant original observational comedy about a couple from Peterborough not getting a new kitchen and I’m back to square one.”

“I’m not convinced they were even writing about a real couple. It’s just irresponsible.”

The couple are said to be considering marriage counselling after spending the last three days not talking to one another.

“I had the whole thing picked out. Terracotta tiling, underfloor heating and one of those fancy mirrors with lights all around. It was going to be like staying in a fancy hotel.”

Steve has also decided not get a new conservatory but is going to buy another new set of golf clubs.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.