Local News

Commuters were left stunned this morning when Londoner Harry Turner spontaneously burst into flames aboard a Manchester tram.  The tragedy occurred after he was forced to sing the Hokey Cokey by jovial tram driver Roy...

There were jubilant scenes in Rochdale last night as tens of Faringe Estate residents gathered around makeshift bonfires and burning cars to celebrate picking up the prestigious "Shithole of the Year Award" from The...

Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle. Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his hairy chest with his fists and foaming at the mouth...

Residents of Rochdale coming to terms with the swear ban are having to learn how to communicate from scratch. Restricted from their usual expletive fuelled language they have resorted to primitive forms of communication. Wildlife experts...

It was the night before Christmas. Newsthump had run an article claiming that if the surplus Remainers from Islington were resident in Rochdale on the 25th of December they would automatically be on the...

The Rochdale Herald can reveal controversial Home Office plans to settle new male immigrants in areas of Britain with too many single women in an attempted boost to integration, and ultimately to increase Britain's...

In the face of the least popular Tory Government since the Peterloo Massacre, Labour has decided not to bother being an opposition of any sort by failing to find its collective arse with both...

In the event of you suffering a serious accident that leaves you dead or incapacitated, your cat, definitely won’t eat your face, probably, a spokestabby told the Herald. “The very thought is just distasteful,” he...

The rest of the UK today approved a bypass scheme for Rochdale. Using an EU grant while it is still available, the plan entails digging up any road that leads to Rochdale and routing...

Rochdale’s Council have declared their bi-monthly bin collections a “massive success” and a “victory for recycling” by Labour Mayor Johnny Pork.

As the race for the Tory Party Leadership heats up, Teresa May has today announced transformative economic reform plans for the Northern Powerhouse. The ambitious plans to boost the UK textile industry in "grim northern...

Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. So far emergency services have rescued 10 people, including an employee, who have been injured in a multi trolley pile...

Rochdale Council are to consider a plan to colour snow to make it more representative of the cultural mix of the area. The Rochdale Multi-Cultural Planning Group have put forward the idea because they are worried...

A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence. Stephen Bowers, 19, has been handing out leaflets around Rochdale in...

This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul Golding and his sidekick Jayda Fransen. In a night that's sure...

Every now and then a new fad will infect society and be scoffed at by decent people, until it fades away into the abyss, where it belongs. With the continuous rise of social media...